A mother. A daughter. A topic.
At different times in my adult life, vacations were designed for different purposes.
And let me begin by saying that I’ve been incredibly fortunate throughout my life to have had both the time and the resources to go on some amazing vacations.
When the kids were young, it was all about seeing new and exciting places and building memories of special times together. Whether it meant a trip to Washington DC to visit the museums, a week at a Disney Theme Park, or camping in the beautiful Rocky Mountains…it was all about exposure and memories.
Living in Boulder, Colorado we can get quite insular. We don’t have a lot of diversity here. So it’s easy to forget that there are many different types of people, with different cultures and viewpoints making up the world. So I always felt it was important that we make an effort to travel around in order to expand our understanding of the world we live in.
When the kids were young, I thought of vacations as an opportunity to learn. Yes…it was also about fun. But when you’re raising kids, it’s also about seeing new things and learning about our history, different cultures (even within the same State!), and the vast beauty of our country.
We’d start months in advance and I’d get the kids involved in the planning process as much as possible. We’d get out maps, read books on the locations we’d be going to and talk about what we hoped to do.
We’d also start with a work chart about 2 months ahead of a vacation. The kids would earn .25 for each chore they’d complete, and by the time we’d leave on vacation, they’d have earned anywhere from $35-$50 (each) to spend along the way.
It was a great strategy.
Brian and I never had to ask the kids to do anything around the house leading up to a trip (Woohoo – they actually wanted to do chores so they could earn $$) and…once we were on vacation, they never asked us for anything.
None of the typical “Mommy…can I have that T-shirt/sweatshirt/banner/poster/etc?”
Instead, they would count their money and decide if they really wanted an item (or not) and would end up being incredibly frugal along the way. It was HEAVEN!
During those early years, our vacations were also about balance. A bit of activity, a bit of rest, and a bit of adventure. As long as the kids were happy…we were happy. And, as any parent knows, their happiness was based on maintaining that balance. If we screwed with the balance, they’d quickly deteriorate into cranky, unhappy children. And that…would not make for an ideal vacation for anyone!
As the kids got older, our ideal vacations became more about exploring the world. We’d venture farther and experience more. Whether it was a 3 week RV trip up through Canada, or across the Atlantic to destinations in Europe – each vacation was jammed packed with new adventures and explorations of new cultures.
Those vacations were “active.” We did a lot. We saw a lot. And…still trying to maintain some level of balance (this time because mommy and daddy would get cranky if we didn’t), we would also fit in a couple of quiet days to just enjoy our surroundings.
Now…as I take more vacations on my own (without the kids I mean) I love those restful, quiet, sit by the pool kind of vacations. Oh I still like a bit of adventure once in awhile. But honestly…I’m really good with going to one place and just hanging out.
When I’m in the mood to both explore and relax however, my ideal vacation is a cruise. I get to unpack once, see a bunch of places, eat well, dance a lot and still have some time to sit by the pool and hang out with a good book and a great fruity rum drink.
I’m really curious how it will be when the house in Ridgway is complete though (we’re about 50% of the way through that project). Will I still want to travel? Or will I feel like I have to “use” that house now that I have it?
I think I’ll figure out the balance…and still do a bit of both.
But I mean really…either way…it’s all ideal!
I’ve been insanely lucky to be able to travel as much as I have.
When I was a kid, we traveled a lot. I didn’t always appreciate it (because, hello, kids are stupid), but I’m so happy to have been to the awesome places that I’ve been with my family. My favorite memories growing up include many, many family vacations.
(It helps that my family kicks ass.)
Travel continues to be an important part of my life, especially in my life with Mike. We’ve been to some amazing places, and I feel very fortunate to look back and think about them.
Some of these vacations have been very busy, switching locations every couple of days. Some have been long, with a week spent in a single location.
A few have been lazy, spending days lounging around and getting too much sun.
And others have been adventurous, spent in tiny hostels, with days spent exploring – and getting lost – on foot, freezing because we didn’t pack enough warm clothes.
But this question is about my ideal vacation…
When I think of “vacation”, I automatically think of the beach.
This is funny, because I have quite the aversion to sand… and copious amounts of sun… and I think salt water is kind of icky.
(It’s a good thing I live in a land-locked state, huh?)
But what’s more ideal than sitting on the beach (or at least near a beach), reading, dipping your toes in the water, and drinking frozen beverages with little umbrellas in them?
I’m a fan of the relaxing vacations. The ones where you don’t really have to worry about much.
I’ve had some great vacations in busy cities where we always had something to do and somewhere to be. The big cities are fun and exciting, but I can only handle those for a few days.
But the sitting and reading and sipping in the sun? I can do that for muuuuuuuch longer.
When Mike and I first started traveling together, we had different views of travel. For me, it was all about lounging around and afternoon naps and reading half a dozen books. Mike liked that stuff, but he also didn’t want to waste our time or miss out on things.
After nine years of traveling together, and lots of different destinations (huge cities, remote beaches, and quiet mountain towns), we’ve perfected a nice balance. We spend about half of our time on the exciting stuff: the sightseeing and visiting and running around. But in between those busy days, we have times to relax and hang out. To spend all day under an umbrella on the beach, reading and eating sandwiches out of a cooler.
(And Mike knows he has to keep as much sand off of me as possible.)
(Because it’s gross.)
So, my “ideal” vacation? Somewhere beautiful with big, bright flowers. Days that are a mix of adventure and afternoon naps. Some tour buses or sightseeing, but also days by the pool.
And if there are frozen alcoholic beverages thrown in? Well then it’s pretty damn perfect.
(ESPECIALLY if those frozen beverages are served IN A POOL. But I’m not too picky.)
(But really, a bar IN A POOL. What genius came up with that gem?)
As we just celebrated Mother’s Day, Ally and I thought it would be appropriate (and nice) to think about what my mother’s (and her grandmother’s) have taught each of us. My mom…Del, and my “other mother”…Stella (Brian’s mom), both died within the past two years.
Both of them were a big deal in our lives.
And , both of them taught us a lot.
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I was incredibly lucky to have these two very dynamic mothers in my life. Both women taught me more by example than through any form of lecture or instruction. Neither was the type of woman who demanded or directed, but instead encouraged me, held my hand in good times and in bad, and helped guide me toward becoming the woman I am today.
(So if you don’t like me…blame them)
Ahhh…but it’s not that easy… Damn it.
I know I have to take responsibility for who am I (which is one of the things they both taught me).
Damn it.
But they also taught me all kinds of other things, like…
It’s important to become an independent woman:
My mom taught me that independence was about developing your own opinions and being able to stand on your own two feet and take care of yourself, even though (ironically), she was happiest in her dependence on my dad.
Stella taught me to embrace my independent spirit, and yet, don’t be afraid to lean on those who love and care about you.
Be fearless when choosing a career:
My mom didn’t worked outside the home while I was growing up, but was tireless in her encouragement of me to find a career that would challenge my mind and tap into my personal skills. She taught me that there were many paths I could take, as long as they led in a direction that would allow me to learn and grow along the way.
Stella taught me that no matter how old you are, you can make a contribution to others through work or volunteering. Shortly after Brian and I were married, Stella went back to work (full time) at the age of 60 in a job that required her to learn a whole new technology (automatic typewriters were just coming into vogue back then). She was never so vibrant or as happy as she was in that job. It helped her gain a whole new level of self confidence…and opened up a whole new group of friends that would be with her the rest of her life.
You’ve got to ENJOY your children:
My mom taught me to be a disciplinarian (good manners were a must!) but not to forget to have fun with my kids. She believed that humor built the strongest ties (with your children…or anyone for that matter). And spending any time with her…meant a time filled with stories and laughter…and fun.
Stella was also a stickler for good manners, but taught me that there was always time to play a game, work on a project or sing a song with your kids, and if it didn’t seem like you had the time…it was up to you to figure out a way to find it.
Love completes you:
My mom loved her family more than life itself…but she had only one true romantic love. My dad. She taught me that love completes you, but be cautious and judicious about who you love.
Stella taught me to be open to love people of all ages, and from every walk of life. She truly loved her friends and family, and more often than not…her friends became her family.
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I know that a day doesn’t go by without some life lesson becoming apparent that I learned from one of these two mothers.
They added so much to life and I miss them more than anyone could know.
And luckily, I now have another mother in my life who offers me all of the love and encouragement I could ever hope for (thank you Mary!). And…I continue to learn from her as well.
What a lucky woman I am to have such wonderful mothers in my life to offer me such wisdom.
Happy Mother’s Day to my mom – Del, to Stella and to Mary.
Thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught me.
Mom told me this post is supposed to be about my grandmothers, so I won’t really write about her, because I always usually listen to her.
BUT, I can’t write a Mother’s Day post without saying that she’s amazing. So, a quick poem:
C is for caring, because she cares about me (and you) a lot.
I is for intelligence, because she’s smarter than your average robot.
N is for not normal, because normal she is not.
D is for dashing, because she’s beautiful and hot.
Y is for y-awesome, because that’s all that I’ve got!
AND NOW, what I learned from my Grammy and Grandma:
Never act your age.
Laugh.
Stand for something.
Wear your seat belt.
Lift your hands up when you’re choking.
Play games.
Grammar is *really* important.
Stay informed.
Candy has no expiration date. (Just because it hurts your teeth to eat that jelly bean or licorice whip, it doesn’t mean it’s bad.)
Watch old movies.
Say please and thank you.
Send birthday cards.
Take risks in your life.
Make jokes about things that usually make you cry.
Do crossword puzzles.
Sleep is over-rated.
Baking is also over-rated. (Why bake when you can buy perfectly good brownies in a box?)
Love…
(But some people deserve to be hated.)
I miss my grandmothers.
A lot.
But I’m so thankful that they taught me all of these lessons (and many more that I can’t list here).
(Like seriously, the choking one? Totally useful.)
Happy Mom’s Day!
(PS: Mom, I was going to put “young” for the “Y”, but I couldn’t make it work. I want full credit, though.)
I’ve been a good boss for most of my career…but I was really lousy at it when I first started.
My first chance to step into a supervisory role was when I worked at the Jewish Community Center in Denver as their Children and Youth Director. I was in my early twenties…and I knew nothing about being a boss.
During the school year I ran children’s programs for kids in elementary school. Programs like vacation camps, before & after school programs and specialized classes like woodworking, and craft making on weekends. I had a small staff to actually teach/supervise kids in these programs (although I learned how to teach kids to build a mean birdhouse) but most of my responsibilities focused on the administrative side of the department. I wasn’t really anyone’s boss for these programs…I was more like a coordinator who ran around setting up rooms, printing out worksheets and making sure supplies were on hand.
During the summer months however, I was in charge of a 25 acre summer day camp, complete with a full swimming program, horseback riding, arts & crafts, music and tons of sports activities….and I had to supervise about 40 young college-aged staff who were counselors, wranglers, and program specialists for more than 200 campers.
It was during these summers that I discovered I knew nothing about being a boss. I could fill out P.O’s (purchase orders), work with the maintenance staff to get the facility in order, make sure we had all of the supplies we needed, and even figure out how to “lease” over 2 dozen horses for the season…but I had no idea what it meant to supervise or lead my staff through the course of a summer camp program.
I was terrible.
I thought the word “boss” meant that I had to “boss” everyone around! I yelled incessantly. I yelled at my staff, and I’m embarrassed to say…I also yelled at the kids.
I went through the summer yelling and bossing, and basically bullying everyone around to get them to do what I thought should be done.
I had no idea what it meant to actually be a boss…let alone, a good one.
And then I went to graduate school. I think it was there that I first began to learn new and effective ways to communicate. But it wasn’t until I left the JCC and started my own company and started to hire my own employees…that I started to really understand what it meant to be a boss.
I still had no idea what it meant to be a good boss…but at least I figured out that it wasn’t about yelling and bullying people to get what I wanted.
It was about leadership. About inspiring people to join me in whatever work needed to be done.
I realized after about a trillion mistakes, that being a boss wasn’t about proving that I was in charge. It was about leading the charge.
And that took time to learn.
It’s not something that I learned in graduate school however, because they don’t teach leadership in school. It was something I had to learn on my own and grow into overtime.
Moral of the story
Maybe we should teach leadership in school so that there will be a lot more good bosses out there.
2nd moral of the story
Maybe that’s something I should try to do at some point in the future…
I’ve never been a boss (officially, at least…), but I’ve had quite a few.
(One of them was my mother. That’s a different topic, though…)
I’ve had great bosses, and not so great bosses.
Bosses that I would consider friends (and family) (though I don’t “consider” my mom family… I’m sorta stuck with her…), and bosses that I’ve damned to hell (NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, MOM).
Bosses that have inspired and encouraged me, and bosses that have scared me and made me cry in the bathroom.
(This makes it sound like I’ve had a lot more jobs than I have.)
What sets the “good” bosses apart from the “not-so-good” ones?
First, it’s the way they lead. What they do to motivate, inspire, and get shit done. The good bosses that I’ve had have made me WANT to go to work and WANT to do a good job. Because my boss made me happy to be a good employee, to go above and beyond, and to make them proud. Good bosses encourage you, and you’re better because of it.
Next, it’s the way that they manage. A good boss clearly tells you what they want from you (COMMUNICATION), what is expected, and then they let you do it. They guide, they don’t push. They allow you to do your job, because they have enough faith in your ability to do it. If you get off track, they’re watching close enough to catch it and get you back on track, but they don’t look over your shoulder all of the time, or berate you when you mess up. I think this is probably one of the hardest things for managers (in any capacity) to do, but the good bosses I’ve had have this skill down.
Last, it’s the atmosphere that they encourage and cultivate. A good boss finds the balance between working and getting things done, and having a good time. If you walk into a place and see people smiling or laughing while they’re working, it’s probably because the boss encourages that. And I don’t know about you, but I love going to a business that’s full of people that actually look like they want to be there. When there’s a boss that pushes for a positive and inspiring work environment, work is done faster and better.
At the end of the day, work is WORK, and a good boss can make all the difference between a job that’s meaningful, or one that makes you want to poke your own eye out with the corner of your pay stub…
(It’s worth noting that most jobs make you want to do BOTH of those things, but if you have a good boss, then it’s a lot easier to show up after those eye-poking days…)