A mother. A daughter. A topic.
Topic: Do you believe that each of us has a True Love or Soul Mate out there?
{ Topic submitted by Marsa W. }
Cindy Thinks
Ally Thinks
Yes I believe in True Love! And, Yes! I believe that we all have a Soul Mate…or two…or more, out there…somewhere.
Inherent in the idea of A True Love or A Soul Mate however, is the idea that we must be limited to having only one love or mate in our lives. But I believe if we’re lucky, we can have many different loves over the course of our lifetimes.
I’ve been truly lucky and have fallen in love several times over my 50+ years. My first was a long term relationship in high school that I was convinced was “it”. And then we broke up. Then I found the “man of my dreams” when I was a freshman in college. And then we broke up. Then, in my Senior year of college, I met the “man who would become my husband” (Brian). And yep…we too broke up (I guess they call that a divorce). And now…I’m in love again (with Matthew).
Each time it’s been True Love. Each time he’s been my Soul Mate.
And just because none of them lasted forever, doesn’t lessen the love I had/have for each.
Maybe that makes me a slut. (?)
Or just really really lucky.
We live in a society that values monogamy. We expect that everyone will find their “one true love.” We strive to find that one person who will “complete us.” We applaud couples who stay together for their entire adult lives and we want that for ourselves…and for our children.
And I always wanted that for me. When I was young(er), I believed there was one man out there who had the secret recipe to make me happy. He would join with me and together, we would become “one.” One perfect couple. One True Love.
But then I realized…over time…through these relationships, that no one person could make me happy. I kinda had to do that for myself. No one could complete me. I kinda had to do that for myself. And nothing, and no one…was the end all.
But that didn’t mean I couldn’t find/have True Love. And, that didn’t mean that I couldn’t be in a single committed relationship…at a time. I am loyal and true and committed to each of my men (I sound like a girl scout…or a dog), while I’m in a relationship with them. But when that relationship ends…I move on. I know that sounds kind of cold and uncaring…but it isn’t. I feel nothing but warmth and caring for those I have loved in my life.
When you get married you’re basically telling everyone that you’ve found your “ultimate” True Love. And when I got married I felt that was true for me. I fell completely and totally in love with Brian. He was my Soul Mate. We had the same values. We had fun together. We were…compatible.
And quite frankly, he was the man I chose to make babies with (and women are the ones that make that choice in our species)…so we got married and raised two incredible children together.
And then, twenty five years later…we got divorced. Did I think I’d ever get divorced? Hell no! IT NEVER CROSSED MY MIND. Until we stopped appreciating each other. Funny thing is, since we broke off our marriage, we’ve become loving, caring friends again, and quite frankly…more appreciative of each other now, than we were during the last years of our marriage.
I think our marriage just ran its course. It was time for our relationship to evolve into something more meaningful for the next phase of our lives. But I realize just how unique we are. Marriages are supposed to end. Angrily. No friendship. No evolution. Just end.
But I didn’t believe that was necessary.
I didn’t believe that we could have so much love for each other at one time in our lives, and then have it all go away with nothing left to show for it. I just figured that our True Love would morph into a new type of love. A love based on our history, our mutual respect, our friendship and…our children.
And thank goodness Brian’s been open to that evolution.
And thank goodness Matthew is open to it as well.
(Or my life would be MUCH more difficult to pull off!)
But I worry about our children. I don’t want them to believe that just because their parents got divorced, they won’t be able to find their own True Love. I don’t want them to think it’s all a lie. It’s not.
I know Ally has found her True Love (yeah Mike!), and the world of love has spread its arms wide open to A.J. for his whole life to come.
But really…I don’t want them to think I’m a slut. :)
I just want them to know that True Love does exist…as many times as they can find it, in as many ways as they can embrace it.
I think the first question here is whether or not I believe in “True Love”.
The answer? Absolutely.
Now if the question is whether or not I believe in “Soul Mates”, then my answer is no, I don’t think that I do.
I believe that two (or more) people can be compatible and pretty perfect for each other. They can love each other and can spend their entire lives together, and die still in love with each other. I’ve seen it.
I also believe that sometimes it doesn’t work. Sometimes love isn’t enough. I’ve seen this too.
I also believe that two people can spend their whole lives together, even when they’re not happy that way. Sadly, I’ve seen this many, many times.
I don’t believe that each of us has only one True Love or Soul Mate. Some people are better suited for each other, and some people are a better “match”. But I don’t believe that you only have one chance, and if you miss it, you’re done.
I do believe in relationships and I also believe in truly loving someone.
I believe that relationships look different, act different, and are different, but they should all have value. And if you can’t see the value in your relationship…?
I believe that all relationships are flawed, even the “perfect” ones. I believe that all relationships take work, and sometimes it’s just a shitty day at the office. But I think that having to work at a relationship, and taking the time to do so, means you care enough about the other person to fight for it.
I also think that you know when it’s worth the fight, versus when the fighting is just an act to postpone the end.
I thought that my parents were Soul Mates. Then they broke up. I remember the night that they told me they were separating, I said (sobbed) “but you guys are my heroes; I want to be just like you.” What I meant was, “but if you break up, what hope is there for me?”
Now, I’ve come to realize that 25 years together is amazing. I respect the fact that they saw what had to happen to make our family work, and they did it. I appreciate that, because things have worked out pretty damn well.
And I appreciate the fact that they’ve taught me to always strive to be happy, even if it’s not easy.
Because even if it’s tough, it can work.
I’ve also managed to move past my fear that if they couldn’t last FOREVER, it doesn’t mean that I can’t. It’s also taught me that there’s always a chance that my relationship won’t last forever… and that’s OKAY.
I’ll work my ass off to see “forever”, but we can survive if it doesn’t.
I believe that I truly love Mike. That he and I fit together. That we work as a couple and as a team. We’ve changed and grown so much in the many years that we’ve been together, but we’ve changed and grown together. Is he the only one for me? Is he my Soul Mate? Maybe. Maybe not.
But I do truly love him.
And I know that I choose him, and he chooses me, and that’s what’s really important.
I may be a little cynical, but I do believe in Mike and me… and I will fight for us, because we fit.
Because we work.
Because it’s true love.
