A mother. A daughter. A topic.
In order to answer this question I found myself walking around my house looking at all of the “stuff” I own and asking myself if I thought one thing or another was the most important.
I knocked lots of things off the list right away. Electronics, clothes, shoes (come on…I like ‘em but I’m not that shallow!), furniture, bake ware….ya know, all the stuff that sits in and on cabinets and closets throughout the house.
And then I thought about my artwork.
The oil painting hanging over the couch in my office was my first piece of art worth more than $100 and I do love it. It’s a beautifully done oil painting of flowers in an exquisite frame. It is the most beautiful painting I own. But truthfully, it’s not even close to being the most important thing I own.
In addition to the painting, I now have 3 amazingly beautiful sculptures that Brian has given me since we separated (I know…don’t even get me started) that I certainly would make a point to grab and put in my car if I was told that I had 15 minutes to gather my possessions before my house were to blow up. But again…when it comes down to it, they aren’t the most important items I own.
So then I thought of all of the sentimental stuff I have.
Obviously, the first thing I thought of was our family photos. After Brian and I split up, I was the one who declared that I would be the keeper of the family photo albums (of which there are probably 20-25) and I have them neatly stacked on top of each other on storage shelves in the basement. Not that I don’t love to look through them, and cherish all of the pictures/history/memories in them…but the reality is that they “live” in the basement. So in all honesty, how can I proclaim them the most important items, when they gather dust in the bowels of my house 99.9% of the time?
Jewelry? I do now have some amazingly beautiful and sentimental pieces, and I would be absolutely heart sick if I ever lost them…(like a necklace that was my mom’s and another from Ally, a watch from my grandmother, earrings from Brian and a bracelet from Matthew) but I just can’t elevate any one of them to the status of “most” important thing that I own.
So how about books? There are a few (not many as I’m not a voracious reader like the other members of my family) that have shaped my life. They influenced the way I look at the world. They occupied hours of my life by taking me to places and times I’ll never visit. They broadened my mind. But they certainly are not the most important things in my life.
So what the hell could it be?
It’s my dogs.
We could get into a philosophical argument as to whether or not our pets are our property or chattel? But the reality is…that they (there are 4 of them now) are the most important “things” in my life.
I don’t treat them like things. I treat them like pets. That I love. And cherish. And care for.
And when it all comes down to it…if my house were on fire, the ONLY thing I would run in to rescue without thinking about it twice…would be my dogs. The rest…while important to one degree or another…are just not the most important things in my life.
It’s funny. I have stuff. Lots of stuff, actually. Too much stuff, some would say.
But what’s actually important?
What would I grab if there was a fire?
What do I love more than anything.
Of course, first and foremost, there’s the dogs. But most days I feel like they own me, and they’re not really things. And the importance that the two of them hold for me should be assumed.
So in terms of actual THINGS that I own, what’s the most important thing to me?
My computer has so much important stuff on in that it would be a total bummer if, for whatever reason, I no longer had it.
But is it the MOST important thing I own? No – it’s definitely not.
I have a ring that Mike gave me several years ago for Christmas. I love it. I wear it every minute of everyday. It makes me happy every time I look at it.
Yeah, I would say it’s a pretty damn important thing that I own. It’s not only beautiful, but holds an incredible amount of sentimentality too.
And the only thing that’s tied in first place with THAT ring is a new ring I got 2 weeks ago.
One of those rings.
THE ring.
The big one.
The one that came with a question and a promise from a boy who wears glasses and who’s my best friend.
Yeah, that’s my most important thing.
:-)
PS: I also got into graduate school for next Fall. I’ll be going to the University of Colorado for Speech Language Pathology. I was trying to come up with a cute way to make that part of the actual post, but I can’t come up with anything. BUT YAY I’M GOING TO GRADUATE SCHOOL.
(Followed closely by OH SHIT I’M GOING TO GRAD SCHOOL.)
(I have no similar fears about getting married.)
Topic: What are appropriate/inappropriate gifts to give your “significant other”?
Cindy Thinks
Ally Thinks
I have to admit…I take the whole gift giving thing pretty seriously.
In my world, gift giving is much more of an art than a science, and I’ve learned to appreciate the finer art of gift giving for a significant other.
It starts with listening. Listening to your loved one about what THEY like, what THEY appreciate, or what THEY would never get for themselves…but would love to get.
It’s supposed to be about THEM. Not US.
But the truth is…it’s downright tough to think about them and figure out what they’d like!
And I know this from experience. I wasn’t always good at this stuff.
I mean, no guy should have to get a sweater with leather patches on the shoulders and elbows each year for Xmas (sorry Brian). But then again… no woman should ever have to get a hot-air popcorn popper for her birthday (again…sorry Brian).
But I’ve learned (and so has Brian).
And I think now I’ve gotten pretty good at gift giving, especially for my significant other (lucky Matthew).
Cause I think I’ve figured out the rules.
Finally!
I mean, you’d think someone would have told us all the rules by now!!!!
So…in an act of community service during this 2010 Holiday season, I offer you…
The Rules of Gift Giving for A Significant Other
by Cindy Carrillo
Part 1: Rules for Giving Gifts to a Woman (Significant Other)
Rule #1…NEVER give a woman who is your spouse or significant other an appliance Of ANY KIND for a special occasion or holiday. I don’t care if the toaster/washing machine/vacuum cleaner just broke and she ASKED for a new one. Get it next Tuesday…but NOT for a holiday or special occasion.
Rule #2…If it has some utilitarian function…don’t get it. She can (and probably will) get it for herself. However, giving gifts of “experiences” (things SHE likes to do!) are like gold to a woman (‘cause then she doesn’t have to make all of the plans herself!!!!).
Rule #3…DON’T listen when she says she has everything and doesn’t want anything. But DO listen to what she talks about and shows interest in, and DO pay attention to what she pauses to look at in the store. Exception: collections are fun and all…but don’t take the easy way out and get her another cow or turtle or coffee mug (that’s what your other family and friends already get her!).
Rule #4…If it would make her feel pretty or special or pretty AND special…get it. It’s worth every penny!
Rule #5…It doesn’t matter if she already has 17 pairs of earrings, 12 necklaces, 15 bracelets and 6 rings. The new one you get her this time…will end up being her new favorite.
Part 2: Rules for Giving Gifts to a Man (Significant Other)
The rules for Men (I think) are somewhat different…but still…follow the same basic premises as above:
Rule #1…Never give a man an appliance as a gift…as if a woman would ever get a guy a washing machine for his birthday! Exception: Power Tools (unless of course he’s Jewish…in which case you want to give him a gift certificate for a handyman).
Rule #2…If it has utilitarian function…GET IT. Again…that whole power tool (or electronic) thing. Not sure why, but men seem to like stuff that actually does something useful.
Rule #3…I have yet to hear a guy be coy about what he wants, because men don’t play games like women do. So if he tells you what he wants, get it. He doesn’t need the surprise or for you to figure it out for yourself (like women do).
Rule #4…If he’s into lookin’ good…it’s worth every penny to help him feel that way with a great addition to his wardrobe. But if he doesn’t care how he looks…don’t get him clothes…or you’ll risk being thought of as his mother (which we all know is the kiss of death to a relationship!).
Rule #5…Unless he collects cufflinks or ties or sports team paraphernalia (or whatever!) …don’t get him stuff he already has. “Choice” just doesn’t mean the same to him. Think “the latest electronic” or gadget or game. He’d rather turn something on and play it, than wear it!
There you have it!
I hope you’ll follow these rules and have years of happy and fruitful gift giving between you and your significant other (and never receive a popcorn popper or leather patched sweater ever again!).
I’m speaking (mostly) from a girl’s perspective here.
(Obviously.)
Appropriate:
Something she wants, that she didn’t even realize she wanted.
Inappropriate:
Something you want, whether or not she realizes she wants it.
Appropriate:
Something she would never get for herself because it’s too extravagant.
Inappropriate:
Something she would never get for herself because WHO WOULD WANT THAT?
Appropriate:
Something she’ll use.
Inappropriate:
Something she needs.
Appropriate:
Something she wants that she explicitly asked for.
Inappropriate:
That mattress pad that she explicitly asked for.
Appropriate:
A book by her favorite author.
Inappropriate:
A self-help book about how to stop being a control freak, even if it’s by her favorite author.
Appropriate:
A gift certificate for a full day at the spa.
Inappropriate:
A gift certificate for a full body waxing… even at a spa.
Appropriate:
A cookbook.
Inappropriate:
A diet cookbook.
Appropriate:
Lingerie
Inappropriate:
Lingerie two sizes too large (or too small).
Appropriate:
Something for the house.
Inappropriate:
Something to clean the house.
Appropriate:
A DVD of a movie that you both loved.
Inappropriate:
A DVD of a movie that you loved but she fell asleep or covered her eyes through.
Appropriate:
Some nice lotion.
Inappropriate:
Nice lotion that has “anti-aging” or “clears acne in one week” on the bottle.
Appropriate:
A sweater.
Inappropriate:
A sweater your mom picked out.
Appropriate:
Candles in her favorite scent.
Inappropriate:
Scented candles for the bathroom.
Appropriate:
Diamonds.
Inappropriate:
Fake diamonds that you pretend are real.
Appropriate:
A new car.
Inappropriate:
A muffler to make her old car sound “manly”. (Mike asks me every year if I want one… Every. Single. Year.)
Appropriate:
A gift certificate for a massage.
Inappropriate:
A homemade coupon for a hug. (Unless it accompanies diamonds or a new car.)
You get the idea.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule.
Maybe she really wants a muffler!
But, you know, better safe than (really) sorry.
I’m all for them…within some seriously defined boundaries of moderation.
I have my ears pierced, in two places (close together in the “normal” part of the pierce-able bottom ear lobe…none of that top ear lobe cartilage stuff). Honestly, I’m not sure why I ever got the second holes put in. Most days, I only think to put one set of earrings in my lobes, but I think I like the option of putting two sets in at one time…especially when I have the time and/or energy to search through my mini earring supply and find a set that would look smashing with another fabulous pair on hand.
I also had a belly button ring for a while. I did it with Ally when she turned 16. She asked if I would go with her, and as any mother of a teenager will tell you…if your 16-year-old kid actually WANTS to do something with you, even if it means poking a long sharp needle into your inny or outty…you DO IT!
I remember the two of us leaving the piercing “salon” and walking down the street feeling all cool…while holding the top of our pants down below our hips so that the waistbands wouldn’t rub against the newly stabbed portions of our belly buttons. Unfortunately, after the initial “I’m such a cool mom” phase wore off, and the healing process ended (which took an abnormally long time for me – being that it was an older belly button), I realized that the whole belly button ring thing was an absolute bitch to maintain.
I would spend an inordinate amount of time during my daily grooming focused on my naval. Honestly, it had never really been that big a part of my cleaning routine before, but it definitely took a whole lot of time to clean it and would take even longer for me to change the jewelry in it! I swear it took HOURS to wrangle that ring, or little jeweled barbell in and out through the two little holes in the upper lid of my naval. And, after all that work, nobody could see how cool it made me, or how well it went with my outfit, because it was…HIDDEN!
Seriously…what was the point!?!
So I took it out and never looked back, or at my belly button for that matter!
Even though I would consider myself pretty open minded to most things centered around personal adornment, I have to admit that I’m not crazy about piercings on lips, eye brows, noses, nipples or pretty much any other body part that sport a ring or dangling piece of jewelry. Those cute little dots of jewels that women wear in the soft fold of their noses? I think those are OK. But when they hang a ring through their nostrils, or through their eyebrows, or God forbid in their lips or tongues…I want to pull on them. I want to flick them. I want to yank them out.
When it really comes down to it, though, I think it’s less about the piercings per se and ALL about the Jewelry. Simply put, piercings provide an opportunity to wear body jewelry. And I take the coordination of jewelry, any kind of jewelry…really seriously.
I have visions of a future where I’m in an old-folks home and all of my peers are covered in silver studs and tattoos. I figure it’ll make bingo more exciting.
I think some people get piercings as a form of self-expression. Others get them because they think it looks good. I also know people who do it because they like the pain (I’m not here to judge). Me, the only body piercing I have I got because my mom made me.
My mom wanted her belly button pierced. I was almost 16, so she told me we should get them together. Even though every girl I knew was practically begging their moms to let them do it, my mom had to convince me. For whatever reason I didn’t have any desire to have a gigantic needle shoved through my stomach. But I did it, and I still have it, though it hasn’t seen the light of day since I was a size 2. (It’s been awhile.)
When I got my bellybutton pierced I was trying (unsuccessfully) to be friends with my ex-boyfriend. He was 100% against it because he thought if I got my bellybutton pierced (even if it was my mom’s idea) it would lead me on a path to sex with strangers and heroin benders. (Did I mention he was a strict Mormon?) I figured if I was going to hell, a bedazzled belly button was the least of my worries.
Other than that, I have 3 holes in each ear lobe, but rarely wear anything but simple silver balls in them. I used to have two holes in the cartilage of my left ear, but it never healed, so after a few years of not being able to sleep on that ear, I took it out. (There’s only so much pain a girl can take before she gives up on looking cool.)
As far as seeing piercings on others, I don’t really care. I think those teeny-tiny nose studs are cute, but other facial piercings don’t really appeal to me. Have you ever seen those piercings that are surgically implanted under the skin? People usually get them on the back of their neck or on (in?) their chest. Those hold a sort of morbid fascination for me. The first time I saw one I was sitting behind a girl in a sociology class in college. I couldn’t tell what the hell I was looking at (are those glued on? just stuck in there?), and I totally had to hold myself back from reaching out and poking the back of her neck (which, I assume, would be fairly awkward).
Personally, I have no idea what drives people to shove rings through their nipples or baby makers… but I guess I’m just missing something there.
I guess I believe that as long as nobody is coming at me with a needle, I figure people can do what they want. Then again, if I was a mom and my baby came to me with a ring shoved through some part of his or her body… I might have a problem with it. And I’d probably have to blame his or her Grandma Cindy.