I thrive on Change.
I initiate it.
I get bored without it and then if things get too quiet, I initiate it some more.
I guess that makes me a change junkie.
But…I also like routine. A small amount of routine to balance out all of the changes I create in my life. Like when the dogs get fed each day; or the way I like to have a cup of coffee in bed every morning before getting up, but then have to be fully dressed with make-up and jewelry on and bed made, before going back downstairs to start my day.
You know…the OCD kind of routine stuff.
I’m not a maniac or anything. I’m just a weird kind of change junkie who also happens to like having things orderly around me.
And everything needs to move quickly.
I like my changes to happen fast.
(Clearly, that whole patience thing is not my strong suit)
I think it has to do with the fact that my hair grows really really fast.
I never worry about getting my hair cut (apparently some women absolutely flip out over the idea of cutting their hair!). But my hair grows freakishly fast. So when I get bored with my hair style (which happens every few months or so) and decide I need to get a new haircut (as soon as possible) – I just do it. And if it ends up not being something that I like (which is rare because I have an amazing hair stylist)…I don’t freak out because I know it won’t take more than a few days (ok…maybe a couple of weeks) before it grows back to where it started, and then I’ll get to change it again.
So I started to try to figure out if someone was a “change agent” or “change adverse” by figuring out if their hair grew quickly or not. Typically I found that people with fast growing hair would accept and/or initiate change much better than someone whose hair took forever to grow back.
So I labeled it the “Speedy Hair Growth Theory.”
It totally makes sense. If someone with slow growing hair gets a bad haircut, they’re totally traumatized because they know they’ll have to live with the results of that bad haircut forever…so they extrapolate that feeling into everything else and they become afraid of change!!
It’s brilliant.
Maybe my Speedy Hair Growth Theory is also the reason why I make decisions quickly.
Really quickly. And most of the time it’s a good thing. Once in awhile…I can jump a bit too quickly.
But that’s probably why I also get shit done.
You kind of have to like change, and be able to make decisions, in order to get shit done.
And that’s why I liked running my business. It was in a constant state of change that required a million decisions as our services changed, our people changed, our operational models changed and our level of quality and expertise grew and evolved.
And I knew…if we didn’t change, we wouldn’t grow. But we did grow. And the business evolved into an amazing and successful company. And then it sold. And I was lucky enough to get the chance to change my life again, starting a whole new chapter in my life.
Initiating more changes as I go…and feeding my change junkie habit.
I approach change with a careful combination of stomachaches, nausea, and panic attacks.
Really, it’s a total party.
So I guess I’ll just say that change is kind of a bitch.
But really? It’s not the change that’s tough. Change is good. Change is natural.
It’s what’s supposed to happen (because when things don’t change it’s just boring… and kind of pathetic).
What’s scary isn’t change itself, it’s The Unknown that gets me. I hate The Unknown.
When I was a kid, every new experience was met with debilitating anxiety. Why? Well, other than the fact that I had (have) an (obvious) anxiety issue, it was because I didn’t know what would happen.
(This is where the stomachaches! and nausea! came into play.)
My mom would always tell me not to worry because, “Really? What’s the worst that could happen?”
Well, Mother, I COULD DIE.
And my dad would tell me to stop worrying because it would eventually lead to an ulcer.
So not only did I worry about The Unknown, but also about the giant killer ulcer growing in my stomach.
(AWESOME.)
So instead of embracing change, my fight or flight response has been conditioned to kick into full flight mode whenever something new comes along.
But I’ve been trying to let that go.
Because change is good!
Without change I’d still be unemployed and broke.
(Now I’m just broke!)
Without change I wouldn’t be going to grad school in the fall.
(So I’ll be even more broke!)
Without change I wouldn’t be getting married!
(HAPPY FACE!)
I wouldn’t have bangs!
The Unknown is still scary (and I still get panic attacks), but at least I can appreciate it. At least I can see the good that The Unknown can bring.
(Though if one of you can give me a cheat sheet for grad school, I’d really like that.)
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