She Thinks

If you read last week’s post on True Love, this shouldn’t surprise you…if you haven’t, you might want to scroll down or click here …or not.

As this post posts on Monday, I will be going into surgery to donate a kidney to Brian…my ex-husband.

And there are only two things I am worrying about before I go in: 1) that my kids are OK throughout this whole thing and, 2) that for some reason, the kidney won’t work once they get it in Brian.

In actuality, I know Ally & AJ will be fine and well cared for (emotionally more than anything) by our family and friends…but that mom thing is hard to squelch.

And…honestly, I think Brian’s body is going to take that kidney and embrace it with all he’s got. He made me promise that I wouldn’t take it personally if for some reason his body rejected it.  And, I guess it could look at my girly little kidney and say HELL NO.  But I really don’t think that will happen.

In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if my girly kidney provided him with a new appreciation for shoes, or an improved sense of color and style …and a desire to decorate!  OMG, he could even become a person who hugs!

We can only hope.

This whole thing started in earnest in late May when Brian’s regular check up with his kidney doc showed that his kidney function had finally declined to the point where he should begin the process of getting a new kidney now to 1) avoid dialysis and 2) live…a lot longer.

He’s had Lupus (that immediately hit his kidneys) since the early 80’s and we’ve known that this time would come sooner or later.  So when he told me the time was now…I instantly made my pitch that his donor should be ME.

He laughed.

He adamantly shook his head no.  He thanked me and said no.  He patted my hand across the table and told me I was sweet…but thank you…no.

But it made perfect sense that it should be me, so I kept pitching.

We really couldn’t go to our kids (normally the most logical choice in these situations) because his disease could potentially impact them at some point (it won’t…but we couldn’t/wouldn’t take that chance) and his sister (the next logical choice) has Lupus too.  So it made sense that it should be me.

He just kept laughing and telling me that I was crazy.  But I’m not crazy.  I’m logical and rational and generally get what I want in life, and I wanted to give him my kidney.  He gave me two wonderful, healthy kids…so it made perfect sense to me that I would give him a wonderful, healthy kidney.

FINALLY, he backed down and agreed to let me “try” to become a kidney donor for him, partly because he was starting to agree that it all made sense, and partly to get me to shut up and go away.  I know he didn’t really believe that we’d actually be able to go through with it.  After all, what were the odds that we would actually be a match!?!

So in early June we went to the transplant center at Porter Hospital in Denver and began the process together.

We sat in the doctor’s office and met with the surgeon and listened to him explain how the whole transplant process worked and how Brian could either go on the transplant list (a 3-5 year wait for a donor), or bring in his own “live donor” to provide him with a kidney.

PERFECT!  I promptly declared that I would be his Live Donor.

The doctor said “right…well, we’ll see.”

I’m like “no…really…I’m gonna be the donor.”

He gave me one of those “of course you are” looks.

So I followed with, “Oh, and we’d like to get this all taken care of by the end of the summer please.”

He gave me another sideways look and left the room giving his staff the opportunity to chore of dealing with the crazy lady and the kidney patient.

Of course it wasn’t as easy (or quick) as I thought it would be.

There ended up being tons of tests that I needed to take (THAT TOOK FOREVER) to make sure my life and my health would not be adversely affected (AT ALL) by losing a kidney.  Don’t get me wrong, I totally appreciate the attention to every single detail, and the fact that they take this whole thing very seriously…but those people (referring to almost everyone I dealt with in the medical profession) moved at a snails pace throughout this entire process!

It drove me crazy.

And to be perfectly honest…there were times, many times that I didn’t handle the process all that gracefully.  I bitched and moaned and griped (and even cried a few times) at all of the inefficiencies in the system.

But the worst part was the waiting.

Because, I guess, I’m not the most patient person in the world.

All I could think about was…come on people…we have a kidney transplant to make happen here!!!!

And I tend to move pretty quickly, and very efficiently when I do things.  So I had more than a few moments of utter insanity as the folks on the other end of the process (and those controlling the process) seemed to handle our case with as much sensitivity, efficiency and open communication…as an auto mechanic who holds your car hostage while claiming to order the only parts to fix the problem, from somewhere in Outer Mongolia, while assuring you that he has only you and your cars’ best interest in mind.

That part of the process sucked.

But lo and behold…we ended up being a match, and I ended up being healthy enough to give a kidney, and Brian was going to get a second chance to live a healthier life…so all of the other bullshit flew out the window.

As soon as I found out I called Brian and practically shouted into the phone “SEE…I told you we were compatible!”  He laughed and replied “who knew?”

I knew.  I knew from the start.   Because it made sense that it should be me.

And I’ll tell you…I CAN’T WAIT to wake up and see how much better that wonderful man feels with a healthy (albeit used) girly kidney.