I have so many…it’s hard to narrow them all down to the biggest….which probably says more about me than about the peeves themselves.

But given this forum, I will certainly try.

In general, my pet peeves ALL have to do with noises.  Not just any noises.  People noises.

You know.  The kinds of sounds that people make that annoy, disturb and grate on your nerves down to your soul.

Like cracking knuckles.

OMG I hate it when people crack their knuckles.  I physically stop and turn and glare when I hear someone make that sound of bone joints being pushed in a downward motion until they involuntarily crack…out loud.

OY…it drives me nuts.

Some members of my family (you know who you are) would probably be much happier if they were “allowed” to crack their poor innocent knuckles in my presence, but alas…they know it will never happen.   Because it is the most god awful noise on the planet, and I’m not a nice enough person to “let it go” in favor of letting them indulge in something that drives me so insane.

Because it’s really about me.  Duh.

They’ve tried to tell me that they crack their knuckles “unconsciously.”  Like the urge to move the little bones in their hands until they snap, crackle and pop comes over them in some uncontrollable way.

I don’t think so.

If I want to let loose with an ear screeching squeal (like a panicked dolphin call)…of which I’ve been known to do in the presence of “unconscious” knuckle cracking…I do so with absolute intent.  There’s nothing unconscious about it.

So a word to the wise…when you’re near me, don’t crack your knuckles or I might start squealing at the top of my lungs.

Pet peeve #2…Cracking Gum (notice a pattern here).

Who really likes to be around someone who’s cracking their gum?

I mean really.  No one can crack their gum quietly or with grace.  No…it takes a good amount of jaw thrashing to move their gum strategically to the back of their jaws, while forcing an air bubble into the stretchy fibers, and then biting down at just the right moment to achieve the perfect crack.

It’s a disgusting habit that takes years to perfect…and I have to admit it…I’d like to kill anyone whose worked that hard to perfect it.

Really.

I actually almost lost a job once because I leapt over my desk at a co-worker who had been cracking her gum for 4 straight hours.   No warning…just leapt and went for her throat (her mouth actually to rip out the stupid gum) before another co-worker grabbed me and shook me to my senses.

Which brings me to my last biggest peeve.

Sniffing.

Don’t you think that people who sniff should be shot?

There is no reason for it.  We have tissues.  We have sleeves (I know it’s disgusting but it’s better than sniffing!).  So I have absolutely no tolerance for people who sniff.

Unless they’re at a funeral, in which case they get a sniffing pass.

Or they’re really sick with a raging sinus infection and a temperature of over 103 degrees (no less).

Otherwise…there is no excuse for sniffing.

Or cracking your knuckles or your gum.

Here it is.  The post where we talk about all of the things that annoy us, all of the things that make us shudder, the things that that make us silently (usually) judge others…

We all have our “pet peeves”, and I think that a lot of them can be pretty universal.  I don’t think I know anyone who loves people who talk on their cell phones in the movie theater.

(OK, maybe you like that (or DO that), but I’m thinking the majority of people out there tend to be annoyed by it.)

And I also think that the things that annoy us can be passed down from our parents.  At least that’s the case for me.

(I’m not saying that it’s genetic, but I wouldn’t be surprised if my loathing for the sound of people chewing or swallowing is programmed into my DNA.)

I grew up with parents who shared their opinions.  For my beautiful, loving mother, that meant we couldn’t get away with ANYTHING that annoyed her.

If we popped our gum or cracked our knuckles, we got a DEATH STARE (every mom has one), and I learned very early on that you don’t want the DEATH STARE.

So I quickly figured out how to avoid it, and soon those things became annoying to me, too.

So I’m betting that most of the things on her list are also on mine.

But in particular:

I can’t stand noises like nose sniffing or throat clearing.

I hate (HATE) hypocritical people.

Snobbery drives me crazy.

And one that’s manifested recently for me is people who share inane, pointless information on social networks.  Sure, I’ve been known to do it myself, but in the last couple of months I’ve become increasingly ticked off by it.  The truth is that I don’t care what you ate for breakfast or who you ate that breakfast with.  It’s gotten to the point where I’ve had to severely limit my time online because it was affecting my happiness (and probably my blood pressure)…

Speaking of pet peeves related to social networks: the other thing that annoys me to no end (and I know I’m not the only one), are status updates that are purposefully vague and that beg the question “WHAT HAPPENED???”  For the love of the Facebook gods, people, stop leaving status updates that say “In the ER…” or “My life is over” or “My heart is broken because the man I’ve loved for 13 years did this to me…”  JUST STOP IT.  I know that the ability to share these things (and evoke sympathy) is tempting, but either be explicit (as in “I’m in the ER but it’s because I got a pencil stuck in my ear again, so no big deal”) or keep it off of the internet.

(Ahem.)

I would apologize for the rant, but let’s face it, pet peeves do that to us.  My mom’s stare didn’t happen without passion and fury and all of the pain that the sound of cracking knuckles brings up for her.

Pet peeves make us rant and rave and TYPE IN ALL CAPS and unleash the DEATH STARE…

Passion is good.

And if these stupid, annoying things are what get my blood boiling… well, then I have it pretty damn easy.

Plus, I really, really like typing in all caps…

(PS: If we’re Facebook friends, I’m not talking about your Facebook updates.  Your Facebook updates are always awesome and witty and relevant.)

(PPS: Please still be my friend.)

  1. What are the things that annoy you the most?