{ Topic submitted by Lindsay B. from Life Looking Up }
I am thrilled but dumbfounded to be up here this evening as the winner of the “Best Cameo of a Mother in a Musical” academy award.
It was an absolute honor to be in the musical rendition of “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” and stand next to the likes of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who were amazing in the title roles, and who sang and danced their ways into our hearts. And of course, to be in this movie, directed by the amazing Coen brothers…was beyond my wildest dreams!
Who would have thought that by just showing up to do a Cameo as a mother…in the middle of a musical, while simply wiggling my hips to the music, would get me this most coveted award!?!
Granted…I’ve worked tirelessly over the years to try to perfect the role, but still…I’m shocked.
Obviously, I could not have done this without the support of some wonderful people in my life, so a special thank you goes to…
My amazing cameo coach Miss Carol (who taught me to embrace the camera, while being ever so critical of the end result, even if it’s only for a Cameo);
To my wonderful musical coach ML (who never taught me how to sing…but rather suggested I keep my mouth shut and just learn to appreciate those who are talented enough to do so);
To the BEST fashion coach in the world…my son AJ (who has been advising me on the right shoes to wear with my outfits since he was a wee little lad);
To my hairdresser Kristy (who gave me that beautiful natural blonde hair you all saw in the Cameo shot – and continues to do so every few months),
and of course…
To my amazing Latin dance coach (every girl should have one!) Mateo (who painstakingly worked to bring out the wiggle in me).
And finally…I wouldn’t be the cameo mother that I am without the total support and coaching of my incredible daughter Ally…whose wit and wisdom and laser-like attention to all of the details in my life…helped me perfect the role in the first place.
THANK you to the academy. THANK you to the other lovely ladies in this category whom I’m honored to share this award (with a special nod to Elizabeth Taylor). And THANK you to all of the other cameo mothers out there who inspire me every day!
Ohmygod!!
I can’t believe this.
I mean, to win the Academy Award for Best Actress is an honor… but to win for my very first role… when Meryl Streep is in the running?
Wow…
(It’s okay, Meryl, I’ll buy you a drink at the Vanity Fair Party.)
When they approached me to play the role of Special Agent Alice McKinley, I was a little scared. Being my first acting gig, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to pull off the role of a crime fighting CIA agent / vampire.
But after I read the script that George Clooney wrote, and when I found out he was directing… I just couldn’t pass it up.
And when I found out that Neil Patrick Harris and I would be doing a musical number in it… written by the incredible Lady Gaga?
Well, that’s the dream, isn’t it?
So thank you George, Neil, and… Lady(?).
I also have to tha- STOP PLAYING THE MUSIC -nk my co-stars, Johnny Depp, Robert Downey, Jr., Jude Law, and Sandra Bullock – where are you Sandy? – I truly love and appreciate all of you.
I must thank my amazing family. Mike, Dad, AJ: you’re my biggest fans, and I love you so much. I’ll be buying you all houses on the continent of your choice after this!
And of course, my agent, my mentor, my mother. I couldn’t have done this without you, Mom!! You got me this job, and my next job, playing the infamous Mother on How I Met Your Mother. I’m buying you TWO houses on EVERY continent!
WAIT! Before you kick me off, one more!!
Finally, thank you to the Academy. I don’t know who you are, where you’re from, or what you do, but I am thrilled to be up here, and even more thrilled to find out that this award is actually made of chocolate filled with caramel.
This night just can’t get any better!
OH WAIT! I won best dressed? For wearing a sundress that I got at Target? On clearance? I’m just… speechless!
{ Giveaway from Yummie Tummie. Details below. }
Until recently (I swear!) I had no idea there was such a plethora of undergarments available to women.
And now that I know, I am SOLD!
And quite frankly…I don’t know how I lived without them for so many years! You can literally transform your body in any number of ways using hundreds of new body shaping garments. I swear there’s one for every conceivable shaping need or want for your body.
You can lift, separate or push together your breasts using strapped, strapless, wired, no wire, padded, unpadded, plunging, high profiled, lacy or plain bras.
You can push up your tush, flatten it, round it out, or add to it. You can flatten your tummy, cinch in your waist, and slim your thighs. And…you can do only one of these things at a time, use different combinations at the same time, or pick one of those handy dandy multi-shaping garments that focus on specific “target” areas to provide you with an All Over shaped body.
Or so I thought.
Recently, we had a Bar Mitzvah to attend and several women in the family (well…really just me, one of my cousins, and, at times, a reluctant Ally) were consumed by discussions of which undergarments were available and would be PERFECT for each of our outfits. We spent hours on the phone, texting or emailing different styles, brands and configurations of undergarments as we each shopped and explored what was available to meet our needs.
Clearly…we had way too much time on our hands.
I planned to wear a lovely black dress with a shocking pink liner (from my closet – woohoo!) that had a form fitting bodice (that’s body shaping terminology for “upper body”) which required (in order for it to fit me properly) something that would cinch in my waist and hold in my tummy.
BUT…I also needed something to push up these ever lowering breasts (NO…they are NOT drooping yet thank you very much!) so they would peak over the fabric to give a hint of cleavage (realizing that this look would be acceptable for both the synagogue and the after party).
THEN…I wanted to lift and smooth my tush so that the fabric of the dress would lay seamlessly in that area, while slimming my thighs and still allowing the dress to swirl effortlessly on the dance floor.
SO… I decided to look for one of those multi-area shaping garments that target different areas of your body to meet all of my body shaping needs in one fell swoop.
No problem…until I went shopping.
Apparently, the undergarment makers of the world like to focus on two, MAYBE three “target” areas on the body at one time…but usually not six.
No such luck.
But, being the resourceful person that I am, I came up with the amazing idea to COMBINE undergarments to cover all of my needs. I mean, is that brilliant or what?
So I went looking for bra to lift me up, a corset-like thing to cinch in my waist, and a full (really full) panty to lift up and smooth out my tush, hold in my tummy and slim down my thighs.
I am pleased to report I found all three!
But when I put them all on together…I couldn’t move. And I looked like I was wearing Body Armor. And, bending was a complete impossibility. And, breathing was more than difficult. And…here comes the deal breaker…dancing would have been totally out of the question.
So I took them all off and started to negotiate with myself. It was clear that I couldn’t wear all 3 pieces at the same time, so I decided I had to pick the most important parts to shape for the event.
OMG! Which parts are more important for a dressy event? The tummy? The tight cinched-in waist? The peaking cleavage? The raised and smooth tush? Slim thighs?
I ask you…can being a woman be any more challenging??
I ended up finding two items that successfully achieved some significant body shaping in 4 out of the 6 areas (no, I’m not telling which ones). And I was happy…enough. But I wasn’t comfortable. But that didn’t bother me because according to the rules my mother laid out for me when I was young and impressionable: dressing for an event is not supposed to be about comfort. So I didn’t expect to be comfortable.
But that’s just wrong. Why shouldn’t we be both beautiful AND comfortable!?!
Well…I’m happy to tell you that now we can be both.
After the Bar Mitzvah, Ally introduced me to an undergarment (by Yummie Tummie) that she found awhile ago that she loved! Then they sent me one! It hits at least 5 of my target areas (no I’m not telling you which one it doesn’t touch) and is pretty damn comfortable and pretty.
I practically live in it.
FINALLY!!!!
*Note: Let’s be clear. Part of my enthusiasm in finding the perfect body shaper is that I really thought I could get that perfect looking body without doing a damn thing on my own to make it happen. I mean seriously…why else would I go through all the trouble to bolster my body in all that armor? Answer: so I could get the look without doing any of the work! And…I don’t think I’m alone here…but we all know it doesn’t really work that way. Damn it.
I’m not going to talk about regular old bras and panties. Yes, they’re necessary, sometimes they’re fun to shop for, and sometimes they’re incredibly annoying. Instead, I’m talking about the kind of undergarments that promise that you’ll look 10 pounds thinner by wearing them.
You know how they promise that? They suck you in and don’t let go. Sure, you can’t sit down or take a deep breath, and your ribs are probably permanently bruised, but damn it, you look good.
Recently, I needed one of these magic pieces of clothing to wear underneath a little black cocktail dress. I ventured to a department store and grabbed half a dozen different types of “shapewear”. Some were slips the length of the dress, some were just bottoms, others were corset style tops.
I took a deep breath (because it’s physically necessary), and started with one of the corsets. You’re supposed to step into these things, and then shimmy them up into place. Did you notice I said “supposed to”? Can you guess why you’re supposed to do the step and shimmy?
I do.
It’s because if you try and put the things over your head, you’ll end up like me, standing in a department store dressing room, with half of my head sticking out through the top, my arms pinned together at the elbows, my wrists flopping around in front of my face. And you, like me, will think of a variety of options that you then have.
The initial panic that set in told me to just rip the damn thing in half. I could either swallow my pride and bring it to the cashier and pay for it, or throw my clothes back on, brush my hair in front of my face, throw the stupid thing in a ball on the floor and run for it.
I didn’t appreciate either of those options, so I thought about an alternative. I could call for help. I can’t have been the first person to get stuck in one of those things. In fact, something like the following should be on the job application for any store with these types of undergarments:
“A sales associate in this department must have excellent customer service skills, superior organizational skills, and be willing to help customers who find themselves immobilized by our merchandise, with little damage to the product or patron.”
Thankfully, I didn’t have to do that. Instead, I was able to claw my way out of the damn thing with no damage to the devil piece of clothing and minimal damage to me. I had a pretty sizable bruise on my left arm, and almost popped my shoulder out of its socket in the process, but overall, I survived.
I ended up buying something, but hated the way it squeezed me so hard that my internal organs were in danger of rupturing.
And then I went BlogHer 2010, and an awesome party called Socialluxe, where I met the crew from Yummie Tummie. The founder, Heather Thomson, was there, telling us all about her company. She said that her products are different because they work without being uncomfortable. Sure, I thought, I don’t believe that for one second. But, when they offered to send me one of their products for free, I jumped on the offer.
(Of course.)
When one of their employees asked if I wanted a tank top or a pair of briefs, I asked which would be better for my little black dress. “Oh! This is what you need,” she said as she handed me a beautiful little undergarment that was a top and bottom together. She said she’d get it to me in a few weeks. Later, when I reached out to them on Twitter saying that my dress needed to be worn sooner than I thought, they sent it overnight to me.
LOVE THEM.
The Teddie is beautiful, it smooths everything out, but it never feels like body armor. It made me look hot, and it gave me a much needed confidence boost (which, really, is why I forced myself into the other items in the first place). Since I received the Teddie, I’ve bought the Original Tank for myself, and wear it all the time. It’s great to layer with, and my internal organs don’t feel like they’re shifting when I wear it.
AND, all of their clothes come with a little tag telling you how to put it on, so I have yet to get stuck.
Win.
Now, my wish list for the holidays is full of Yummie Tummie products.
{ Topic submitted by Brian K. (Uncle Buddy) }
I’m almost embarrassed to admit it…but when I watch the commercials for DSW my heart begins to race and I find it a bit difficult to breath. I don’t know if it’s that jazzy/Latin style music they play, or the flashing of various styles of shoes appearing on my TV screen. But I truly begin to hyperventilate.
It’s not something I’m proud of.
Maybe I’m sick.
Maybe I’ve developed low blood pressure due to shoe intoxication.
I don’t know…and I don’t care. I just want to rush out to DSW (or any other store selling shoes) and see what magical shoe wants to jump off the shelf into my arms for that day.
But that is now…and it’s important to know that I wasn’t always so excited about shoes. When I was much younger, I cared about boys, not shoes (I had no idea at the time how incredibly linked the two were), and…I didn’t do outfits. I did jeans and T-shirts and usually grabbed whatever shoes were closest to the front of my closet so that I didn’t have to exert much energy to find them when running out the door.
Then I got a job.
And, I began to interact with people who seemed to get up in the morning and put their clothes on in a “meaningful way”…including their shoes.
I was fascinated.
I remember shopping for my first grown-up work clothes in catalogs such as Newport News and Spiegel and they would show brightly colored two piece suits with matching colored high heel “pumps.”* A turquoise suit with turquoise pumps…a peach suit with peach pumps. It was a virtual sherbet sundae of working woman clothing…and I couldn’t wait to eat it up.
(For those who are unfamiliar with the classic “pump” style…it is a simple design that has endured over decades, promising to elongate the leg, slim down even the thickest of ankles, and guarantee any number of foot ailments due to years of squeezing five toes into a narrow pointed section of leather at the bottom of a 45 degree angle.)
I quickly learned that shoes came in other styles besides turquoise or peach colored pumps and couldn’t seem to get enough shoes into my life (or into my closet). I started buying shoes in every combination of shapes, heel heights and colors. Some worked. Some didn’t. But through it all, I began to develop a knack for figuring out which style of shoe would best compliment each piece of clothing in my close and how to build an “outfit” using shoes as the anchor piece.
I was in heaven! I was struttin’ down the street in classic loafers with rolled up jeans, or wowing business associates with subtle yet classy pumps (no more turquoise for this lady!) or tempting my man to take me out (and back home for a “lovely” night) with a pair of drop dead stilettos that made my legs look like they came out of my shoulders.
Each pair of shoes had a specific purpose that was expressly stated when combined with the appropriate outfit. As I walked into a room, you would instantly know what I was saying…like, “take me seriously at work” -or “I may be a mom, but I’m still a sexy momma!” – or – “let’s walk on dirt”…you get the idea.
It was a great system and I loved the challenge of figuring out what shoe would best express the purpose at hand.
And then…I developed bunions.
On both feet.
And had to stop wearing 99% of the shoes in my closet.
I experienced my first ever serious shoe slump. Following surgery on both feet at the same time, I was relegated to a pair of large, clunky, foam filled, Velcro closing, open toed “bunion boots”…for 6 WEEKS!
As I sunk into a deep shoe withdrawal depression, my doctor explained that at the end of the 6 weeks, I should have at the ready, a pair of …(it’s hard for me to say these words) … “sensible shoes.”
I had no idea what he was talking about. It took me the full 6 weeks to figure it out. Finally, I found a pair of shoes I could walk comfortably in for the next year.
And, they were kind of cute.
No…not really.
They were wide, and brown, and flat and boring. But they didn’t hurt.
It took 12 months, 3 weeks and 4 days before I was able to get my feet into a new cute shoe.
You would think that during this time (including the years of pain leading up to the bunions and resulting surgery) I would have been cured of my serious shoe addiction. But no.
Instead, it taught me an important lesson…that with both patience and perseverance, I could search out new styles, heel heights and colors that could still be DROP DEAD perfect, but…with a bit of moderation (that would mean no more 4″ heels), they didn’t actually have to cause any more bodily harm.
I WAS FREE AGAIN! Free to once again start buying cute (and sometimes still comfortable) shoes. Free to re-embrace the challenge of building great outfits while allowing my shoes to state the purpose of my day as I walked into a room.
And free to let the joy and excitement creep back into my life as a new DSW commercial aired on TV.
I have a love/hate relationship with shoes.
I love cute shoes. Pretty shoes. Ridiculous shoes in ridiculous colors with ridiculous pointy toes that cost a ridiculous amount of money.
I love to put them on and look at them on my feet, see how they peek out underneath extra long skinny jeans, make my extra large feet look tiny.
I love to paint my toenails a pretty pink and see how cute they look against my favorite pair of black strappy sandals.
I love shoes with heels that are 3-inches, I love wedges, and I love adorable flats in fun colors and patterns.
The love stops, though, when I actually have to stand up in those ridiculous shoes and, you know, walk somewhere. Suddenly, those adorable shoes with the pointy toes go from things of beauty to horrible torture devices.
When I was a kid I always thought I’d grow up and be able to walk in heels. I’d hit a certain age and it would be easy. It’s in my genes, for god’s sake! But alas, here I am, 25, an “adult”, and I still look like some disabled duck waddling around when I put heels on. I don’t look like some confident, sexy woman who could strut around New York City with Sarah Jessica Parker.
I blame this on the fact that I outgrew my mom’s shoe size at a very early age. When I could fit into her size 7 high heels, I had no interest in shoes. By the time I wanted to practice walking in pretty shoes like my mom wore, I couldn’t cram my size 9 feet into them. I can only assume that I missed some vital point in my adolescence that has left me lacking in this department of my “womanhood”.
(Though, now that I think about it, it’s not a skill exclusive to women. Have you seen “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” recently? Tim Curry dancing in those stilettos puts me – hell, most women – to serious shame.)
I try to be pickier about what shoes I purchase. (Not having a steady income really helps with that.) I try really hard not to get shoes that are even slightly uncomfortable when I try them on in the store.
(Sadly, I totally still fail.)
Part of me wants to say “fuck it” to all of the annoying and uncomfortable shoes in my closet. “Screw you” to the ones that gave me blisters that required me to shell out 4 bucks for 3 Band-Aids at the hotel gift shop while on a trip earlier this year. “See ya” to the ones that caused me to sit on the side of the bathtub, weeping after an evening out, pouring warm water over my sore feet.
But, alas, I can’t let go. They sit there, strewn across the floor of my closet, hanging on the back of my bedroom door in one of those organizer things from Target, or underneath my bed. They stare at me, and I just can’t get rid of them. Yes, they hurt, but that incredibly irrational voice in my head says “But they’re SO PRETTY!!”.
(Yes, that voice sounds a lot like my mother.)
So I save those shoes until I forget how bad they’ve hurt me. I save them because at some point I’ll put on some clothes and realize that those devil shoes are required to make the “perfect outfit”.
When all is said and done, it’s tough for me to decide what my philosophy is when it comes to shoes. Either life is too short to wear shoes that cause you pain, or life is too short to wear ugly shoes.
That voice in my head (Hi mom!) tends to scream the latter at me.