A mother. A daughter. A topic.
I almost bailed on this topic as I was really struggling to come up with any bad habits.
(Cause I’m just such a wonderful person.)
Or…I can’t keep focused long enough to think about any bad stuff about myself.
So I asked Ally.
I left her a voicemail saying that I was having a really hard time and needed her to tell me what bad habits I had. (I figured they’d just roll off her tongue!)
Apparently, my message must have come off as somewhat needy with a high pitched voice, because she texted me back:
“Just got your message…be sure to add whining to the list.”
So I whine. But only when I don’t get what I want…when I want it.
And I guess that’s a bad habit.
I also leave the TV on for the dogs when I’m not home.
I don’t really expect them to watch it, but somehow I feel like the noise of human voices coming out of the box on the wall will provide comfort to them in my absence.
But I know it doesn’t. They could care less. It just makes me feel better about leaving them.
And I know it’s a really bad habit because it totally wastes energy.
But I don’t stop. I left it on for them tonight when I went out for dinner …as I was adding it to my list of bad habits.
And I waste water too.
I take really long showers and I leave the water running in the sink when I brush my teeth.
I know it’s wrong and wasteful, but I just let that water run and run and run (and please note… I am very clean).
And finally…
I use an enormous amount of tissues in any given day.
I wad them up in my pants, stuff them in my shirt cuffs (YES…like an 80 year old woman), shove a dozen or so loose tissues into my purse, and stash tons of them in every coat pocket in my closet.
The actual possession of tissues is not by itself a bad habit…no…it’s the mixture of the used and unused pieces that causes me to sift through them all seeking the most unused one…that I’d say is the bad part of the habit.
But I don’t stop.
I’m a waster. And a mixer.
And now I have a whole new group of pet peeves (about me this time) that I can’t stand.
I should be shot.
My number one bad habit would be procrastination, which is why I’m sitting down to write this at 10:59 PM on Sunday night.
(I WANT TO GO TO BED, DAMN IT…)
Another bad habit? Well, I have a few.
I bite my nails (and cuticles, which is horrible because that’s the stuff that hurts and looks ugly).
I sleep too late in the morning (which means that I’m often late to anything that’s scheduled before noon).
I let the dishes pile up in the sink (even though it drives me crazy every time I do it).
But a bad habit of mine which really drives OTHER people crazy?
I tear things up.
Discarded wrapping paper.
The labels on plastic bottles.
Magazines.
Sticky notes.
Napkins and tissues are the worst, but really any piece of scrap paper lying around will most likely be destroyed once I get my hands on it.
I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stop myself from ripping things up into tiny little pieces and making a mess. Maybe it’s nerves, maybe it’s just something to pass the time, but you can always tell where I’m sitting at the dinner table by the remnants of paper left on my plate.
Most of the time I’m not even aware that I’m doing it, but others notice.
My mom doesn’t let me keep paper napkins at the table once I’m done eating.
Mike complains about the torn up tissues I leave in the pockets of his sweatshirts that I borrow.
Now that I think about it, it’s not limited to just paper products. Really anything that will rip, I’ll destroy.
For example, I’m currently staring at one of those foam stress balls and there’s a chunk taken out of it.
See that? My nervous habit is destroying my stress ball.
Maybe I should see a professional about this…
Hell, I’ll do that later.
First of all…I really had no idea what the term “guilty pleasure” was until Ally mentioned it awhile ago in a totally different context. I didn’t want her to think that I was out of touch or uncool…or… (God Forbid) OLD, so I didn’t ask and just nodded my head as if I was following everything she was saying.
And then it came up as a topic for She Thinks.
Rather than take a chance on writing an entire post based on my ASSUMPTION of what it meant… I called her to see if I was correct.
“It sounds dirty” I said. “You know…like porn.”
“No Mom, it’s not porn.” (You know the tone)
“Oh good, I thought that would be really embarrassing.”
And then…a pause.
“Well…it still might be.”
OY.
“A guilty pleasure” she went on to explain, “is something that you really like to do, but under normal circumstances (i.e. NOT writing about it in a blog for everyone to see) you would be kind of embarrassed and ashamed to tell anyone else about it.”
Another pause.
“And mom…that doesn’t mean it’s about sex!”
(we told everyone in last week’s post that we don’t talk to each other about sex)
”So for Gods’ sake…keep it clean!”
Great. My kid feels she has to tell me to keep it clean.
So I racked my brain trying to think of something that I really like to do but kind of feel ashamed for doing and have never shared with anyone else (and isn’t about sex).
Baking? No. That’s just something I suck at doing, even though I torture myself by trying to do it every once in awhile.
Cleaning my closets? No…that would fall under the category of Obsessive Compulsive Behavior…certainly not a guilty pleasure.
Oh wait…I think I have it.
I’m actually quite embarrassed to admit it, and it’s harder to admit than you might think…but…
I LOVE to watch “Gene Simmons and the Family Jewels.”
In the middle of the night when I can’t sleep.
OK…it’s not just in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep.
I DVR it. So I can watch it whenever I want.
Don’t ask me what I like about it. I never liked the band KISS or followed Gene Simmons before. But there’s something about the relationship of the family that makes me smile. And they make me laugh.
But now I’m really embarrassed and totally ashamed to have told anyone about it.
So I guess it is a true guilty pleasure. (And it wasn’t about sex…YES!)
I define “guilty pleasures” as those things that you don’t want to admit that you love. I think it should also be something that you’re not necessarily supposed to enjoy.
(And no, Mom, it’s not about sex.)
Like trashy TV. You’re not supposed to like it. You feel dirty just watching it. But ohmygod you can’t stop watching.
I have a few guilty pleasures.
The first is something that I’ve written about before: young adult fiction.
I love books that were written for girls a decade (or more) younger than me. I love vampires and wizards and demigods and crazy awesome books beyond description.
Some of the books I read are silly. Or just plain stupid. But I just can’t quit them.
I read other stuff, too, but the vast majority of my library is pretty humiliating.
(And may I just offer some advice to anyone else who reads embarrassing titles, whether it’s YA or trashy romance or what have you? Get an e-reader. That way, nobody can tell that you’re obsessively reading a book with a cover like this:)
(Seriously, it looks like a soft core porno with a dude who looks like Justin Bieber.)
Another guilty pleasure I have is for a certain ridiculous TV show that defies all logic.
Oh, what to say about Jersey Shore?
Oh. My. God. These people are like really, really disturbing cartoon characters. I don’t know why I like watching them make fools of themselves or why I love when they fight (actually, I’m pretty sure I love the fights because their accents get super thick when they start screaming at each other and it’s awesome).
I don’t know why I find them hilarious and even (dare I say?) endearing. It makes no sense – and it’s embarrassing – but what can I do?
The heart is a mysterious thing, and loves what it loves.
My last guilty pleasure (well, that I’m sharing right now), is Lady Gaga.
I think she’s amazing. I think she’s brilliant. I think she’s crazy and bizarre and a genius.
Actually, she’s so great, I don’t even count her as a “guilty pleasure”. A guilty pleasure should be something that you feel guilty about – not because it’s bad for you – but because you feel like you shouldn’t actually like it.
And I think everyone should like Gaga.
(Actually, everyone should like YA, too.)
(But I’ll admit that Jersey Shore isn’t for everyone.)
I don’t make Resolutions anymore.
I used to. I used to make them in earnest and work really hard at following through on them, but I always peetered out after about, oh like 10 days, and would then feel like an utter failure.
So I stopped.
Because I HATE to fail.
And it was a stupid thing to do to myself.
But I DO like to set goals and accomplish things, so now I wait about 10 days until the resolution hubbub dies down and then I figure out what I want to accomplish for the foreseeable future, and set out to do those things.
But they’re NOT resolutions.
They’re just things I put on the calendar to get done (or get to do).
I’m ALL ABOUT putting things on the calendar.
I’ve come to understand that unless I make a date (plan, commitment, pledge – whatever you want to call it) to do something, the days and weeks and months will pass by aimlessly, and I’ll find that I forgot (avoided, procrastinated) to do whatever I thought I wanted to do.
So I get it on the calendar.
Somehow, if it’s on the calendar, I feel like I have to follow through with it.
Not on the calendar…I don’t go. But if I put it on the calendar that I’m going to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday of this week…at 9:00 a.m., then I do it.
“Go camping”
When for God’s sake? On July 14th – cool…we’re goin camping!!!
“Lose 10 pounds”
Really? By when?…by March 12th – cool…I have 10 weeks to do it, and I swear I can lose that damned 10 pounds (even though I might spend the next 10 weeks gaining it right back).
I guess I’m just organized (anal compulsive).
Or…I have severe memory loss and can’t remember what I want to do unless it’s written down for me in an organized manner…on a daily basis.
So, even though it’s not past the 10 day mark yet…and resolutions are still hot in the air, I have a few things on the calendar for the month.
- Go to the gym (Mondays, Wednesday, Fridays @ 9:30) for the next 4 weeks.
- Lose that damn 5 pounds I just put on over the last 4 weeks (going to the gym 3 days a week should get that done!).
- Resume my dance lessons with Matthew on Tuesday nights.
Whew.
I feel like I’m getting stuff done already!
And since it’s on the calendar (I really put it all on the calendar as I was writing this)…then I know I’ll follow through.
No, because resolutions suck.
Any resolutions I’ve ever made have failed. Do I want to work out and lose weight? Hell yes. Does me resolving to do so actually lead to a lower resting heart rate and baggier clothes? Nope.
Any January 1st that I’ve made a resolution, I’ve felt like a failure by March February the following Thursday.
The closest I’ve ever come to actually following through on a resolution was last year. I wanted to read 50 books. I got to 47. Even though I read a lot, and came very close to my goal, I still felt like a failure.
Since I’ve never actually followed through on my resolutions, I can only assume that I’m doing it wrong. So this year, I’m making resolutions that I know I’ll keep and do a damn fine job at:
- I will pet the dogs.
- I will wear my seat belt.
- I will brush my teeth.
- I will brush my hair.
- I will drink water on a regular basis.
- I will eat as many pomegranates as humanly possible.
- I will take my contacts out before bed.
- I will take naps.
- I will wear pajama pants on my days off.
- I will eat some chocolate.
- I will try really hard not to sneeze or cough on anyone, but I make no guarantees.
- I will actually put the new roll of toilet paper on the holder instead of just setting it next to the holder. Wait… I don’t think I can commit to that.
I’ve already accomplished all most some of these! Hell, I’ve already accomplished a lot of them today! Go me.
(Note that I’m not putting any qualifiers on these. If I fall asleep in my contacts one night, I will not consider the year a failure. I figure this way, there’s no way that 2011 can’t be a success.)
Of course, I’m guessing the year will consist of more accomplishments than just the above (at least I hope so), but I’ll just wait and see (and be excited) when that happens.