Tag: What if?

Topic: How will you survive the Zombie Apocalypse?

Cindy Thinks

Ally Thinks

Screw zombies, it doesn’t matter what kind of apocalypse we’re in for, because I’m ready.  I have a fully stocked pantry with hundreds of canned goods, tons of extra water, enough toilet paper to last at least 6 months and a lifetime supply of chocolate, ‘cause really, who wants to stick around without toilet paper or chocolate?

No…I’m not a doomsday kinda gal, it’s just that I like to be prepared.

And I’m not the only one thinking about this stuff.  As I’m sure you’re aware, we’re only a couple of years away from the famed end of the Mayan calendar (December, 2012), which many believe marks the end of civilization as we know it.  I never thought about it much, but then I watched a multi-part special last year on the History Channel and it got me thinking about the possibilities of life ending on earth.

I mean…I really don’t believe it will all end on 12/21/2012, but after watching that show, I did find myself having an irresistible urge to run out to the store to buy a case of canned soup.

Honestly though, I don’t think the Mayans knew something we don’t know.  I think they just figured they had created a big enough template for us to follow…and we would be able to take it from here.  Or they just ran out of stone.

But nonetheless…it makes you wonder.

I mean…what will you be doing as we get closer to December, 2012?  Will you be worried?  Will you be stocking up on canned goods?  Water?  Toilet Paper? Chocolate?

Well I know I’ll be ready…and I’ll be doing it in style!

I recently bought some property down in Ridgway Colorado (just outside of Telluride, CO) which I must say, is one of the most beautiful places on earth.  The mountains, the valley, the people…are all amazing.

And…I just started building on it so that I can live there part of the year, and play host to my family and friends…’cause it’s a place ya just gotta share.

So I figure I’ll share it with a few dozen carefully chosen people for the end of the Mayan Calendar (and potentially…the end of civilization as we know it).

But we’re not gonna sit around waiting for the end.   WE’RE GONNA PARTY!!

Because it ALSO just happens to be my “triple 12 birthday” (12-12-12)…and I figure that calls for one big 12 day party!!!

And if it does all end, then we go happily, and probably…really really drunk.  With plenty of canned goods, water, toilet paper and chocolate in the pantry.

Unfortunately though, I’ll have to limit how many people can come to my party (because I just don’t have enough canned soup to feed everyone).

So I came up with a process for selecting who will be part of the chosen few…with some ground rules (’cause you always need ground rules):

1.    Applications for the now infamous 12-12-12 bash will be accepted beginning 6-12-12.

2.    A written test including just a few select multiple choice questions and an essay explaining why you should be part of the chosen few (no more than 500 words please) will be included as part of the application process.

3.    Bribes will be accepted (along with donations of canned soup).

God I hope civilization doesn’t end before then…it would really screw up my plans.

I think it’s awesome how we all assume that when the zombie apocalypse happens we’ll be fighting the zombies, and not become one ourselves.  Statistically, most of us will have to be the actual yucky, undead daemons for it to be considered an apocalypse (at least I assume so), so odds are that if you’re reading this, you’ll be craving brains at some point.


Personally, I think I’ll be made into a zombie fairly early on.  I don’t like confrontation and I’m not in shape at all, so I’d be easy to catch.  I accept that my chances of surviving for very long are pretty slim.

(What?  I’m being realistic.)

So I think I would just give myself up to the brain eating devils as quickly and as painlessly as possible.  Maybe I’ll get really intoxicated and just go to sleep on the front lawn and hope the zombies do a quick job at transforming me…

Because really?  I don’t think that I want to spend my days hiding in my house and chasing zombies off of my front lawn with a knife or gun.

Besides, I’m not allowed to wield weapons.

(Mike believes that I’ll injure myself every time I cut a tomato for dinner, so I’m going to assume that using a machete to cut off the head of a zombie won’t be allowed…)

(Just so you all know, I’m open to suggestions for weapon alternatives.  We’re all going to be in this together, people, so it’s no time to keep your tactics a secret.)

Now, if I could get to a place without zombies (preferably some sort of fort or underground lair designed by my mother), I would probably invest in some serious weapon training.  Maybe I wouldn’t be able to hire a personal trainer or my own Sensei (because the strongest of our kind will all be fighting to save the world… or they’ll be dead… or undead?…), but I assume the Internet will have a plethora of helpful blogs and videos by that point.

(Oh wait.  There’s already plenty of information out there.  Of course.)

The way I see it: geeks love zombies, and geeks get shit done on the Internet, so I guarantee there will be a Wiki up in no time.

(OH MY GOD.  That also already exists. We all have no excuse if we’re unprepared.)

Hell, maybe I’ll get in shape…

(Except probably not.  It’s going to take a lot more than a violent apocalypse to get me to start running on a regular basis.)

What I’d really need is a kick-ass outfit.

(Priorities, people.)

I’m thinking something flattering, functional, comfortable, and easy to clean (because killing zombies is a super messy business).  BUT, even if I were one of the BEST zombie killers EVER (and let’s face it, with the right training… actually, I’ll most likely still be useless regardless of my training…), I probably wouldn’t actively seek out zombies.  I’d leave the mass destruction of them up to the government or ninjas or Woody Harrelson.

Instead, I’d hide myself away with a good book and lots of cupcakes.

(If the world is ending, dieting will NOT be my priority.)

(Note to self: make kick-ass outfit baggy and in slimming colors.)

Actually, I think that I would just be happy deferring all survival responsibilities to someone else.

(Hi Mom!)

PS: I’m inviting The Bloggess to Ridgway, because she’s our only hope.  Well, her and Mr. Harrelson…

If my life was a movie, I would like to think that it would be a musical.  A light, airy, funny, neat but quirky little story laced with wonderful singing and dancing.  The kind that plasters a big smile on your face when you get up to leave the theater and has you humming at least one of the tunes all the way to your car.

Not that I actually ever sing (or hum).  Because I was told at the age of 10 that I couldn’t sing by my 5th grade choir teacher, and I never really tried again.

But I do dance.  And I think that should qualify me for musical status.

But musicals are oh so much more than just singing and dancing.  They present a view of the world that gives us hope and joy and there’s always some sort of lesson to be learned through the story….like…

Lesson #1:    A boy and girl can find each other and be happy happy happy.

Lesson #2:    You can get the bad guys and they will get what they deserve.

Lesson #3:    The world is a better place when we hold hands and,

Lesson #4:    If we pull together, we CAN put on a show!

I love the idea of defining my life with that kind of optimistic outlook on the world, where seemingly insurmountable problems get resolved and all of the characters end up better off than they were before.

I mean, WHY NOT?

Why not sing and dance through life?  Why not have happy endings (and beginnings and middles)?  Why not belt out a show stopping tune that tells everyone to Stop Raining on Your Parade?

I know musicals tend not to be taken seriously, but in terms of how to live a life…it sure is a lot better than being a suspense thriller, or an intense drama.  I mean how scary and exhausting would that be!?!

The thing that trips me up on this one though is that we all tend to think of musicals as being rooted in fantasy (Brigadoon anyone!?).  And I don’t actually consider my life to be fantasy based at all.  Rather, I believe I’m a realist.  I just like a little light-heartedness with my reality.  And a lot of music, and dance, and humor and passion and goodness.  All ingredients for a well rounded musical.

This isn’t a new thing for me.  I was raised watching musicals.  And I raised my children to watch and appreciate them as well.  We used to go to see every Broadway musical we could, some on Broadway…some at our local dinner theater.  But we saw them all.

So imagine my delight when a real life (in a matter of speaking) musical came to TV.

I’m talking about GLEE.

Unlike the old fashioned musicals, where everyone breaks into song mid-sentence for no apparent reason…there really is a reason for these kids to be singing and dancing.

They’re in the Glee Club.

And they make it cool.

And OMG the talent!  Invariably one of the characters will sing some amazing song at some point in the show that ALWAYS makes me smile (or cry).  And when the show is over, it makes me feel like the world is a better place.

Sometimes I think how cool it would be to ACTUALLY have my life BECOME a musical.   I think it would be amazing to be able to break out in song when something disappoints me, or when something great happens, and have it be acceptable behavior.

But then I remember…I really can’t sing.

Oh well.  I can still dream and I still have Glee.

I think that some people want their lives to be like a really serious movie.  Like the kind where there’s no soundtrack and it’s super tense and uncomfortable and it’s only available in limited release in New York City.

Am I one of these people?  Not so much.

Like most people’s lives, mine is mostly mundane.  Also like most people, if my life were a movie, it would be lots of different genres.

All of us have a little bit of everything in our lives.  For the most part, we live a life that nobody would want to watch a movie about.  It’s boring and repetitive and there’s nothing really compelling about it, at least to anyone else.

But we all have those moments that are insanely comedic, or incredibly dramatic, or straight out of a love story (or a love tragedy).

Some of us have horrible things happen.  Things that should stay firmly in the realm of disturbing entertainment.

But the theme throughout my life – thankfully – has been comedy.  I can look back on almost everything, and see the funny in it.

I’ve been really lucky because my life has been incredibly easy going with little reason to complain.  But even those few dramatic and crappy moments have taught me that seeing the comedy in every situation is the key to survival.

To be honest, and accurate, my life is probably best classified as a “dark comedy”: full of humor that makes others slightly uncomfortable and things that very few people find funny except for me.

But that’s my favorite kind of funny.

The only thing I truly wish for is that my life life in general was like a musical.  Or at least like an episode of “Glee”.  Then, when the bad shit happens, at least I could go into a well-choreographed routine while singing some amazing song from my favorite band or musical.

(Who wants to sing a song from Wicked with me?)

I mean, how many times have you wished you could belt out “Don’t Rain on My Parade” and have everyone look at you and think, “Man, that girl can sing… and I’m totally not going to mess with her anymore.”’

(Just me?)


But other than the lack of singing and dancing, I’m pretty happy to accept that my life is totally and completely hilarious.

(PS: WAIT.  I lied.  If I could, I would live on Pandora.)

(PPS: As long as there’s singing.)

Topic: Imagine life without your cell phone, computer, iPod…

Cindy Thinks

Ally Thinks

OK.  You could take my cell phone and I’d probably live…if I had a land line…which I don’t anymore because I live like a young person.

I could give up the instant gratification of being able to call someone the minute the thought of calling them entered my mind.

I could do without driving in my car and trying to find my ringing cell phone in my purse while making a turn in a busy intersection…because I WANT to know who’s calling me at that very moment.

I could live without not having to remember to turn down the volume on my phone while at the movies, concerts or the theater…and then forgetting to turn it back up later (and think I’m getting no calls).

I could give up the joy I get from picking the perfect “ring tune” for each important person in my life – which accurately “personifies” who they are to anyone within a 20 foot radius (since I always have to keep my volume on super high in order to hear it in my purse).

And, I could live without those short coded text messages that take me about 20 minutes to decipher.  Seriously, what the hell does LOL-LMFAO mean?

You could also take my Ipod and I wouldn’t die.  I like it.  But it’s not a big part of my life. I use it when I take long walks with the dog(s) or when I’m on the treadmill at the gym (which has happened maybe 2 times in the last year).  And, I do like to use it in my handy dandy portable speaker thing in my RV so I can listen to my “tunes” as I’m whipping up a four course meal on the road.

But the truth be told, I don’t upload new songs, so I listen to the same music over and over again which now makes me a typical old woman who only listens to music I know the words to.  (Proof…I had Ally load my iPod with songs she thought I’d like listening to…about 2 years ago, and I’m still perfectly satisfied listening to the hours of Carole King, Barbra Streisand and James Taylor songs she knew I’d know.)

But the computer…that’s a tough one.  I use it a lot.

I like email.  I like the convenience of keeping in touch with people from all aspects of my life without having to make a full blown commitment to keeping in touch.

I LIKE TYPING and I LOVE being able to type and edit by pushing a “delete” button to completely obliterate anything I don’t like (beats the old days of having to use “white out” while using my huge IBM Selectric typewriter!).

I love Excel spreadsheets (not for anything in particular…just because I can organize stuff easily).   And I love that it does math for me.

But mostly…I LOVE GOOGLE!

I use it to find out everything about anything.   It’s like my own personal information warehouse.  I ask it for information on everything from travel to recipes.  How to find the @#$@ batteries in my RV?  Where is my favorite Salsa Band playing?  How do I find the latest deals on cookware?  How do I start to knit?


So without my computer… I’d have to relearn how to use a public library.  And get a really big Encyclopedia and Dictionary.  And the latest version of the book “How Things Work.”

I’d have to find another way to have my morning coffee since I now turn on the computer, make my coffee, and then sit in front of the screen checking emails with a steaming cup of java warming my hands.

I’d have to learn how to write in cursive all over again, and I sucked at it the first time.

I’d have to learn new ways to keep in touch with all of the people in my life that doesn’t comprise of pushing the “forward” key to share a funny joke or story.

I’d have to learn how to do math again.

And, I’d be bored, and less creative, and messier.

But I guess I could do it.

I’m part of a generation of people who are completely addicted to instant notification and immediate gratification.  I entered high school right when technology was becoming popular with the masses.  Pagers were still in, but cell phones were making a break for it.

Being able to call your friends anytime of the day is a good thing.  Being able to be found anywhere is a good thing.  Being able to find an answer to any question at the click of a button is a GREAT thing.

And I’m no different than my peers: I’m totally addicted to that feeling.

I need to get a hold of people NOW, and if I can’t, I worry.

I spend a lot of time on my phone and my computer.  I check my email several times a day (though nobody really emails me).  I text my boyfriend and family, and I check Twitter (compulsively).  I have an iPhone, so all of this can be done anywhere, at anytime.

If I’m sitting somewhere (a doctor’s office, the bank, a restaurant) and there’s nothing going on, I’m on my phone.  I check the weather, talk to my mom (the woman loves to talk), play scrabble with my dad, and Facebook stalk my ex.

(You know you do it, too.)

All of my news comes from apps on my phone (USA Today, NY Times and, most often, Twitter), and since I’ve gotten my phone I have a far better grasp on current events around the world.

I have people all over the country who I consider my friends, even if most of our words have been exchanged in 140 characters or less.

I’ve got to be honest: thinking about NOT having my phone makes me uneasy.  And admitting that makes me even more uneasy.  Sure, I could “survive”, and maybe getting rid of it all would make me a better person or something, but I’ve been living with it all for so long that it’s hard to imagine.

Some days, I want to shut all of it down.  I want to hide my computer and trade in my precious phone.

I want to unplug.

But then (and this is how technology gets you) I think, well, it is nice having a phone that has my music on it… and a camera is nice… and if I’m taking these cool pictures it’s silly not to share them with friends and family on Facebook… and if I’m sharing it on there I should share it with 600-plus strangers on Twitter… and since I’m on Twitter I’ll just see what’s going on around town… AND SO ON.

It’s a vicious, vicious cycle.

But like I said… it’s addicting.

So I try to keep my compulsion to be connected in check.  I try to put the damn phone down and pick up a book (which, interestingly, is often on a Kindle…), go outside, interact with people outside of my computer.

I try to stop my compulsion to tell anybody and everybody anything and everything that happens to me or pops into my head.  My friends on Twitter and Facebook don’t need to know what I had for breakfast.  They don’t need to know that it’s a nice day out, or who I’m having tea with.  They don’t need to know how adorable my dogs are.

(LIE.  Everybody needs to know that:)


To say that I could give it all up means saying that I could give up a huge part of my identity.  My blog.  My friends on Twitter.  My incredible need to judge people on Facebook.

Could I live without all of these things (I am aware that these are all just things)?  Sure.

But would I want to?  Not so much.

(UPDATE: It’s 12:25 AM Monday morning and my phone and computer decided to become enemies and throw some sort of tantrum so I have spent the past hour screaming and crying and OHMYGOD I’m going to kill someone.  So it’s a little easier to imagine my life without it all now.  Maybe imagine isn’t the right word…  Fantasize?)