She Thinks

Screw zombies, it doesn’t matter what kind of apocalypse we’re in for, because I’m ready.  I have a fully stocked pantry with hundreds of canned goods, tons of extra water, enough toilet paper to last at least 6 months and a lifetime supply of chocolate, ‘cause really, who wants to stick around without toilet paper or chocolate?

No…I’m not a doomsday kinda gal, it’s just that I like to be prepared.

And I’m not the only one thinking about this stuff.  As I’m sure you’re aware, we’re only a couple of years away from the famed end of the Mayan calendar (December, 2012), which many believe marks the end of civilization as we know it.  I never thought about it much, but then I watched a multi-part special last year on the History Channel and it got me thinking about the possibilities of life ending on earth.

I mean…I really don’t believe it will all end on 12/21/2012, but after watching that show, I did find myself having an irresistible urge to run out to the store to buy a case of canned soup.

Honestly though, I don’t think the Mayans knew something we don’t know.  I think they just figured they had created a big enough template for us to follow…and we would be able to take it from here.  Or they just ran out of stone.

But nonetheless…it makes you wonder.

I mean…what will you be doing as we get closer to December, 2012?  Will you be worried?  Will you be stocking up on canned goods?  Water?  Toilet Paper? Chocolate?

Well I know I’ll be ready…and I’ll be doing it in style!

I recently bought some property down in Ridgway Colorado (just outside of Telluride, CO) which I must say, is one of the most beautiful places on earth.  The mountains, the valley, the people…are all amazing.

And…I just started building on it so that I can live there part of the year, and play host to my family and friends…’cause it’s a place ya just gotta share.

So I figure I’ll share it with a few dozen carefully chosen people for the end of the Mayan Calendar (and potentially…the end of civilization as we know it).

But we’re not gonna sit around waiting for the end.   WE’RE GONNA PARTY!!

Because it ALSO just happens to be my “triple 12 birthday” (12-12-12)…and I figure that calls for one big 12 day party!!!

And if it does all end, then we go happily, and probably…really really drunk.  With plenty of canned goods, water, toilet paper and chocolate in the pantry.

Unfortunately though, I’ll have to limit how many people can come to my party (because I just don’t have enough canned soup to feed everyone).

So I came up with a process for selecting who will be part of the chosen few…with some ground rules (’cause you always need ground rules):

1.    Applications for the now infamous 12-12-12 bash will be accepted beginning 6-12-12.

2.    A written test including just a few select multiple choice questions and an essay explaining why you should be part of the chosen few (no more than 500 words please) will be included as part of the application process.

3.    Bribes will be accepted (along with donations of canned soup).

God I hope civilization doesn’t end before then…it would really screw up my plans.

If my life was a movie, I would like to think that it would be a musical.  A light, airy, funny, neat but quirky little story laced with wonderful singing and dancing.  The kind that plasters a big smile on your face when you get up to leave the theater and has you humming at least one of the tunes all the way to your car.

Not that I actually ever sing (or hum).  Because I was told at the age of 10 that I couldn’t sing by my 5^th grade choir teacher, and I never really tried again.

But I do dance.  And I think that should qualify me for musical status.

But musicals are oh so much more than just singing and dancing.  They present a view of the world that gives us hope and joy and there’s always some sort of lesson to be learned through the story….like…

Lesson #1:    A boy and girl can find each other and be happy happy happy.

Lesson #2:    You can get the bad guys and they will get what they deserve.

Lesson #3:    The world is a better place when we hold hands and,

Lesson #4:    If we pull together, we CAN put on a show!

I love the idea of defining my life with that kind of optimistic outlook on the world, where seemingly insurmountable problems get resolved and all of the characters end up better off than they were before.

I mean, WHY NOT?

Why not sing and dance through life?  Why not have happy endings (and beginnings and middles)?  Why not belt out a show stopping tune that tells everyone to Stop Raining on Your Parade?

I know musicals tend not to be taken seriously, but in terms of how to live a life…it sure is a lot better than being a suspense thriller, or an intense drama.  I mean how scary and exhausting would that be!?!

The thing that trips me up on this one though is that we all tend to think of musicals as being rooted in fantasy (Brigadoon anyone!?).  And I don’t actually consider my life to be fantasy based at all.  Rather, I believe I’m a realist.  I just like a little light-heartedness with my reality.  And a lot of music, and dance, and humor and passion and goodness.  All ingredients for a well rounded musical.

This isn’t a new thing for me.  I was raised watching musicals.  And I raised my children to watch and appreciate them as well.  We used to go to see every Broadway musical we could, some on Broadway…some at our local dinner theater.  But we saw them all.

So imagine my delight when a real life (in a matter of speaking) musical came to TV.

I’m talking about GLEE.

Unlike the old fashioned musicals, where everyone breaks into song mid-sentence for no apparent reason…there really is a reason for these kids to be singing and dancing.

They’re in the Glee Club.

And they make it cool.

And OMG the talent!  Invariably one of the characters will sing some amazing song at some point in the show that ALWAYS makes me smile (or cry).  And when the show is over, it makes me feel like the world is a better place.

Sometimes I think how cool it would be to ACTUALLY have my life BECOME a musical.   I think it would be amazing to be able to break out in song when something disappoints me, or when something great happens, and have it be acceptable behavior.

But then I remember…I really can’t sing.

Oh well.  I can still dream and I still have Glee.

OK.  You could take my cell phone and I’d probably live…if I had a land line…which I don’t anymore because I live like a young person.

I could give up the instant gratification of being able to call someone the minute the thought of calling them entered my mind.

I could do without driving in my car and trying to find my ringing cell phone in my purse while making a turn in a busy intersection…because I WANT to know who’s calling me at that very moment.

I could live without not having to remember to turn down the volume on my phone while at the movies, concerts or the theater…and then forgetting to turn it back up later (and think I’m getting no calls).

I could give up the joy I get from picking the perfect “ring tune” for each important person in my life – which accurately “personifies” who they are to anyone within a 20 foot radius (since I always have to keep my volume on super high in order to hear it in my purse).

And, I could live without those short coded text messages that take me about 20 minutes to decipher.  Seriously, what the hell does LOL-LMFAO mean?

You could also take my Ipod and I wouldn’t die.  I like it.  But it’s not a big part of my life. I use it when I take long walks with the dog(s) or when I’m on the treadmill at the gym (which has happened maybe 2 times in the last year).  And, I do like to use it in my handy dandy portable speaker thing in my RV so I can listen to my “tunes” as I’m whipping up a four course meal on the road.

But the truth be told, I don’t upload new songs, so I listen to the same music over and over again which now makes me a typical old woman who only listens to music I know the words to.  (Proof…I had Ally load my iPod with songs she thought I’d like listening to…about 2 years ago, and I’m still perfectly satisfied listening to the hours of Carole King, Barbra Streisand and James Taylor songs she knew I’d know.)

But the computer…that’s a tough one.  I use it a lot.

I like email.  I like the convenience of keeping in touch with people from all aspects of my life without having to make a full blown commitment to keeping in touch.

I LIKE TYPING and I LOVE being able to type and edit by pushing a “delete” button to completely obliterate anything I don’t like (beats the old days of having to use “white out” while using my huge IBM Selectric typewriter!).

I love Excel spreadsheets (not for anything in particular…just because I can organize stuff easily).   And I love that it does math for me.

But mostly…I LOVE GOOGLE!

I use it to find out everything about anything.   It’s like my own personal information warehouse.  I ask it for information on everything from travel to recipes.  How to find the @#$@ batteries in my RV?  Where is my favorite Salsa Band playing?  How do I find the latest deals on cookware?  How do I start to knit?

It is MY FAVORITE THING!

So without my computer… I’d have to relearn how to use a public library.  And get a really big Encyclopedia and Dictionary.  And the latest version of the book “How Things Work.”

I’d have to find another way to have my morning coffee since I now turn on the computer, make my coffee, and then sit in front of the screen checking emails with a steaming cup of java warming my hands.

I’d have to learn how to write in cursive all over again, and I sucked at it the first time.

I’d have to learn new ways to keep in touch with all of the people in my life that doesn’t comprise of pushing the “forward” key to share a funny joke or story.

I’d have to learn how to do math again.

And, I’d be bored, and less creative, and messier.

But I guess I could do it.