She Thinks

I feel great.

Brian feels great.

What could be better?

It’s been six glorious months since I was lucky enough to give Brian (my ex-husband…for those who are new to She Thinks) one of my kidneys.

Following the surgery, it took me about 2 weeks before I felt good enough to move around on my own, and at 7 weeks (to the day) Matthew and I were standing on the top of Machu Picchu in Peru marveling at the beauty and the grandeur of the surroundings, and I couldn’t help thinking about how incredibly good my life was at that very moment.

At that same time, Brian was traveling in Spain with friends, having far more fun than he’d had for some time before.  He was able to walk for hours, eat anything they had to offer, and drink to his hearts’ content (although I think he probably pushed that one a bit too hard for so early in his recovery).  He was a bit worn out when he returned…but so were the others in his traveling party, so all in all…he did great!

It probably took him 3-4 months before his energy level started to come back in earnest, but today, he’s feeling stronger and healthier than ever.

What could be better?

I can eat whatever I want.  I can drink as I always have.  And I don’t have to take any drugs at all to keep my remaining kidney working or healthy.  It’s doing everything it’s supposed to do all on its own…and doing it beautifully at that!

Brian has to take a handful of anti-rejection drugs on a daily basis…but he’s got them figured out so that they don’t give him any trouble.  It’s just a part of his daily routine, and he accepts it as a fact of life with all of the dignity and grace you would expect from the great, laid back kinda guy he is.

My health hasn’t changed at all (which is a good thing)…but as we all hoped…Brian feels a lot better.

It’s that new feeling of health that allows him to look ahead in a way that he wasn’t able to do for a really long time.  He knows now that he’ll be around for awhile.  He can engage in life again.  He can be a part of his kids’ lives for a long time to come.  He has a future.

What could be better?

But the really incredible part of this whole thing for me is that we have something new…between us…that’s totally unique and special (even for our crazy relationship).

We’ve always been close.  The best of friends.  Even through, and in spite of, our divorce.  But this is different.

Now we share something that’s more than just a bond.  It’s a connection that is so true, so honest and so real, that we don’t have to try to explain our kind of odd and unusual relationship anymore.  Not to each other…and not to anyone else.  It’s just understood.

And it’s made me appreciate what I have in my life.  My health.  My kids.  My family.  My man.  My friends.  My time to participate as fully as I can in the life I’m so grateful to have.

Honestly, what can be better than that?

My initial thought for this topic was to try to think of any old people I’ve know, whom I consider to have aged gracefully…because the concept of aging gracefully is way too out there for me yet.

I’m just 54 ya know.  Waaaaaay too young to have to think about aging gracefully…yet.

And then it hit me.

There are people out there who are probably looking at me right now and judging whether or not they think I’m aging gracefully, or not.  OY.

But I’ve known for awhile now that the older we get…the older our definition of “old” becomes.  So logically, to a teenager, I’m old.  And for me, an older person is at least 100!

Typically, I think we define “aging gracefully” in terms of physical attractiveness as the primary benchmark. We look at people (mostly celebrities) and judge them as “holding up nicely” or still looking beautiful or handsome as they age, especially when they reach that turning point age of 60 or so.

Case in point… I was watching Helen Mirren at this year’s Academy Awards and was struck by how absolutely stunning I thought she was “for a woman of her age.”  Truly someone who was aging gracefully.  And then we googled her and found out that she was only 65!

I’m sorry Helen Mirren…you’re waaaaaay too young for me to be talking about how you’re aging gracefully!!!  I promise to wait at least another 10-15 years before commenting on it again for you.

And who didn’t start talking about Jane Fonda or Barbra Streisand at the Golden Globes or Academy Awards this year and do the same thing!?!

We appreciate people who still look good as they’re getting old(er).  And we’re terribly disappointed when they don’t.

As a society, we do it more for women than we do for men.  But men don’t get off the hook entirely.  We still like them to retain a certain ruggedness or sophistication as they age.   But there just isn’t as much pressure on them to retain their youthful appearance as there tends to be for women.

But it can’t just be about physical appearance.  It has to include our behavior.  Our style.  Our actions in the world.  The totality of who we are.

And so, I believe that aging gracefully must take practice.  It must take years to perfect.  You don’t begin to live gracefully once you reach a certain age.  No, it has to be a natural continuation of a life lived with grace.

As Fred Astaire once said, “Old age is like everything else.  To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.”

I am thrilled but dumbfounded to be up here this evening as the winner of the “Best Cameo of a Mother in a Musical” academy award.

It was an absolute honor to be in the musical rendition of “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” and stand next to the likes of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who were amazing in the title roles, and who sang and danced their ways into our hearts.  And of course, to be in this movie, directed by the amazing Coen brothers…was beyond my wildest dreams!

Who would have thought that by just showing up to do a Cameo as a mother…in the middle of a musical, while simply wiggling my hips to the music, would get me this most coveted award!?!

Granted…I’ve worked tirelessly over the years to try to perfect the role, but still…I’m shocked.

Obviously, I could not have done this without the support of some wonderful people in my life, so a special thank you goes to…

My amazing cameo coach Miss Carol (who taught me to embrace the camera, while being ever so critical of the end result, even if it’s only for a Cameo);

To my wonderful musical coach ML (who never taught me how to sing…but rather suggested I keep my mouth shut and just learn to appreciate those who are talented enough to do so);

To the BEST fashion coach in the world…my son AJ (who has been advising me on the right shoes to wear with my outfits since he was a wee little lad);

To my hairdresser Kristy (who gave me that beautiful natural blonde hair you all saw in the Cameo shot – and continues to do so every few months),

and of course…

To my amazing Latin dance coach (every girl should have one!) Mateo (who painstakingly worked to bring out the wiggle in me).

And finally…I wouldn’t be the cameo mother that I am without the total support and coaching of my incredible daughter Ally…whose wit and wisdom and laser-like attention to all of the details in my life…helped me perfect the role in the first place.

THANK you to the academy.  THANK you to the other lovely ladies in this category whom I’m honored to share this award (with a special nod to Elizabeth Taylor).  And THANK you to all of the other cameo mothers out there who inspire me every day!